things you only hear on vacation with grandma...

there were some really funny, endearing and sweet things said during the trip. at random times too.

here's a few
(keep in mind my grandma is English)

"Here, take this, it'll make you regular."-Grandma

"That bear gave me a right funny feeling, and what's for dinner anyway?"-Grandma

"I've got to take these bloody horse-sized pills, they're [the doctor] daft to think I'll take 6 a day. I've just got to walk some more and lose weight, that way my cholesterol won't fluctuate as much." We walk a flight of stairs. "I guess those pills aren't so bad." -Grandma

"Do you want an Egg McMuffin, Gene?"
"Yes, I do, but wait Janet, no ham on it."
"Well then what do you want?"
"Janet! I said I wanted an egg McMuffin with no ham, that's all!"
"Well Gene, do you want cheese on it."
"What? I want the bun toasted."
"I'm asking you if you want cheese on it..er..how do you want it?"
"Ah hell, put cheese on it, just no ham."
-conversation between my Grandma and Genie
(it's funny how old ladies argue)

Grandma: "I'm going to be 70 in four days"
Skyler: "I know, that's why we're on vacation for you..."
Grandma: "That's what I'm saying...it feels funny"
Skyler: "Being on vacation?"
Grandma: "No, turning 70!"
Genie: "Oh will you two hush up, I hate when people brag about their age."
(Genie is 76) haha!

"Oh that man is a jackass, he can't see with those eyes of his. He deserves to get trampled by a buffalo!!!"
-Genie, shouting at an asian man standing 10 yards from a buffalo.

Genie: "We should take the elevator up to our room."
Me: "Ok, it's over this way"
We step on the elevator.
Genie: "Ok we'll wait here until Hayden finds the elevator."
Me: "I'm right here, and we're on it."
Genie: "Oh...I was just testing you."
HAHA!

I like that old ladies can say whatever they want, in any context, and somehow it's laughable and ok.
Funny how things work.

It was a really fantastic trip. I love spending time with my Grandma, she's the sweetest woman I know!

no words, upwards, and free cookies

moments like this are hard to handle.

mainly because i think and speak in different fragments, so there's no consistency with what I'm going to write, nor is there a direct train of thought.

God is so good. outreach has been great! got to see a grip of different saints come out and share the gospel, inviting people to the Rock and have good conversations. good shows with bigger bands too, so it made for some interesting interactions. inter inter...yup

more planning is underway to make it more fluid, and less contingent upon my last minute requests for people to show up! haha...so i'm gonna hopefully, with the Lord leading and a lot of other's help, make this more dynamic so there's lots of opportunities to share the gospel in strategic events.

got to meet Dustin Kensrue, and talked to him about God, his life, music, and found out Alchemy Index wasn't recorded on Garage Band, like so many people believe...

never thought Minus the Bear would be used to spread the gospel, but they drew a big crowd, and God allowed Mike, Audrey, Philip and I to have great conversations with people, and we gave them a bible!

ok, so all of that was a train of thought. once i started writing-bam, there it is.

work has been great. already invited two girls to come to the rock, and they're both considering it.

I'm going to Yellowstone on wednesday. It's for Grandma, she's turning 70. The English Grandma. Our Allen, her brother, was supposed to come out and join us, but since he decided to divorce his wife last year, that didn't work out. Those English sailors...

Saw two movies in one week...why not. Predators and Inception. Both good films. Probably Inception is one of those movies where I feel satisfied. Like, "Dang, that was a good movie..." I'll buy it, when it hits blockbuster's 3 for $20 shelf.

and I saved my cup, so I'll get a free drink next time i'm at the cinema.

and then lots of bible study. a lot. listening to a lot of sermons. but I haven't read Romans in a few days...got side tracked for various reasons...but side tracked with more scripture.

then at work, I see a lot of people, and they need Jesus so desperately. broken relationships, weak willed parents who don't know how to discipline, or be a good parent, snobby and ungenerous rick-folk who are meticulous about the taste, temperature and price of their beverage...makes me want to just tell them their lives are going nowhere and they need Christ so desperately.

lots and lots of questions pummel my mind as of late too. I mean, even more than usual. Like, I need to just paint one of my walls with that chalk board paint, so I can track everything that pops up, that I need to resolve.

Still gotta lose twenty pounds. Still gonna make music, even by myself. Gonna go to school. I want to be a daddy so much. I see the godly parent's at the Rock, and how much of a life commitment it is, and I desire to be a good dad. To be a provider and lead them. Show them truth, give them love. But having a wife comes before that too...and I pray for that every day. And I want to be a husband who loves, gives, listens, leads, cuddles, and provides. God has a perfect plan, that I keep reminding myself of every day.

In fact, talked with this new guy Chris, who visited the Rock last Saturday, and he asked me "What do you think of marriage and knowing God's will in response to that?" And I replied by going over God's will, his sovereignty and direction of one's life, fully trusting God for the perfect woman for you, the compatibility factor (because You can't love a girl for being good at math..), and looking at all of that by not personifying God with man's finite, fallen, selfish view of relationship. And that dialogue went on for about twenty minutes. Then I concluded by telling him, "All that said, I've never had a girlfriend, so take it with a grain of salt, because I don't really know either, ok?" HA!

I might even write a separate post expounding on that conversation, because I think it was a great conversation.

So that was that.

oh and Philip and I ate twenty chicken mc nuggets...gross, but so good.

(and the free cookies part is because work does nightly markouts, so it either gets taken home or thrown out...which is why I'm fat!) hey-o!

yes, no, wait...Romans 1:10

"Romans 1:10

^{[the church in Rome are]} always in my prayers, asking that somehow by God’s will I may now at last succeed in coming to you."

I looked at that text at first and thought it to be nothing of significance. I read it and thought, well, Paul is telling these saints he prays for them and wants to visit soon. Sure that's great! That's a nice thing to tell someone, and comforting to hear kind words, from someone of Paul's position. Then I read it again, as I read the same chapter daily in my quiet time until I complete verse by verse expositional study through the chapter, and something struck me. This passage was incredibly significant and illuminated so many truths about God, His will and purposes.

Paul is telling the church that they are always in his prayers. Daily, hourly, as frequently as he prayed, he interceded for the Roman Church. But not only that, he prayed that God would allow him to embark on a journey to visit them. It's obvious that going to Rome had been pressed on his heart, and from his words "at last succeed in coming to you", his desire was to be there. But in God's providence, at the time of the writing of this letter, his travels were taken elsewhere, and Paul did not find himself on the road to Rome.

When you look at this Apostolic age of the early church, it meant something of great magnitude to travel out of one's region, anywhere. On foot or by sea, these modes of transportation were arduous and tiresome, and, depending on distance and time of year, it took upwards of 6 months to reach the destination. So apart from personal encounters that Paul, or any other Apostle, made with churches or saints, sending their written letters took efforts too. That meant someone else had to make that journey instead. Think of the last 6 months. What did you do? A whole bunch of things! To commit that time for only one task meant the importance of document or visitation was something of great value.

With that said, Paul really really really wanted to go. God had other things in mind, at that time. And because Paul so desperately wanted to be in fellowship with the Roman saints, which is a godly desire, He couldn't wait to tell them about God's gospel of salvation. So he penned it and sent it.

Paul wanted to go, God said no. That's the jist of it.

Now, think about this: had Paul gone to Rome when he desired to go, he wouldn't have had the need to write this letter. That means, in my opinion, there would not be a letter of Romans, like we have today.

Romans is the quintessential book of the bible to present the totality, in depth, most comprehensive spread of the gospel. Many commentators say it's the greatest book of the bible. To be sure, it's the apex of the Christian church today. Magnifying, glorifying Christ. Showing the mercy and judgement that God gives. And God used it to explode the Church onto the scene, to develop the Church and spread truth to all nations. All because God told Paul, "Not yet buddy."

That's deafening to think about. That rips out my heart, and all it's desires, and throws it on the ground, on top of my face, because it rips my face off too! That shows the supremacy of God, and his good purposes. That shows God's sovereign will. That shows that when I think I have my plans, and my purposes and desires, and God tells me "no", and "wait", that I need to revel and praise Him for that. That brings me to respond in ardent, continual worship to Him, because His plans are good.

Paul wanted a visit, but since God told him no, he wrote a letter that rocked the core of the Christian Church for all time.

Because I want things in my life, and God tells me no, I can only wonder what God will do in effect to that. The causality are my desires being shut down, which in typical fashion, my flesh responds in sin and a discontent position. But the effect is that, even while I might complain to God, good things will come from it. Even if not in correlation with my life, good things will happen to other people. And ultimately, God is glorified. Which is all that really matters.

It's nice to step back and actually trust God. Big and little things. Not prosperity, but real, amazing aspects of life.

Marriage is the second most important decision in one's life, next to relationship with Jesus, and God knows that and good things in store for those who trust Him.

Finances are either what we worship, or how we worship God. And to trust him with our money, and be generous and good stewards, to give back to God, and use it for legacy, investing in kingdom building will either make or break how we respond to God.

Career is the way to support a marriage and earn money, both to worship God in. God knows and has a plan for those who are faithful stewards. We should worship God in our job, not complain and work harder than those who aren't saved.

The way I respond to God and have relationship with him are not contingent upon those three areas of my personal life. You see, God has said "no" to me, after years of praying, in all those departments, and I haven't been happier with my life than I am right now. So I praise God for it!

I'm broke, single and work a part time job at a coffee shop...but my life is so satisfying. God is sustaining my life, and he's given me joy about it. That is to say for this time in my life; I do desire to be married, and have a great job, be educated and affluent for the gospel, but since those things aren't in my life, I take this side of worshiping God for what he's held from me at this time.

By the way, you never see this anywhere else. The world, other religions..etc. It's inconceivable to be optimistic in trials. It's ridiculous to be happy when things don't go your way. Being glad about having things withheld, showing joy in the lack of something is crazy talk by the world's standards. In fact, it's a popular belief that when things aren't going your way, you've done something wrong, bad karma or you're not doing enough. It could just be that for that specific time in life, God has another path for you. 


God is good. I love how God's word doesn't return void, and how applicable and personal it is, two thousand years later. Thank you Lord for your good and perfect will. Amen!

walking down the sidewalk
with two brown, full paper bags

I don't remember my great ideas
and drawings in my head, from years ago. quite saddening.

i like old things, things of season and things I think about loving

it looks pathetic, because it's hot outside
and i'm wearing a long sleeve button up

and in a sea foam green painted room
with golden rod, flower curtains
dark wood furniture
and wiring on the walls,
there was an open door
left for me to follow

random times to catch up, and be lovers
fall out of branches, and latch onto traffic
headed far north, for a season

but certain things remain
and I hope to rekindle that great thought I had
but some things are to remain unsaid, I suppose...

then, when I realize no one knows where I am,
I think:

plans are only here to discount the voids in my life.
there aren't really any random happenstances.
so I try to be hospitable, not to make things disappointing.
but I also want to make nice drinks for people...
even if I remain a Gatsby for a few more whiles

"Dear Starbucks,
You've done quite a fantastic job in mixing culture with your products and services, for the most part. But the part that isn't covered by the most part, really sucks." -Ben Stiller, in Greenberg

how come i end up where i started?

you reel me out, then you cut the string.

i'm inside
your head--> something like that.

i can't figure it out, but it makes sense
but i go back to make sense of it
and it's always different


like watching frostbite take over a soldier
or when my arms are on fire, doused in gasoline
i breathe in so many turquoise words
so much to be jaded by, but i'm soaked

in water, covered, submerged
only up to my elbows and eyebrows...
the two parts of the body with e,b and w's.

striking difference, the closet swings open
monsters reach out
lengthy hair covered arms, claws of the fiercest kind
poisoning my veins
and then yellow eyes burning holes through my dreams

i wake up, afraid, no, scared.
nightmares, or visions, either way, stop.

then i see them in people.
then i realize, monsters are in the heart.
the heart of those who haven't been selected.
vicious warlocks, the kind of which makes for
not
a
nice............life

too few brush strokes
and the typewriter ran out of ink
so, this will do.

this is how i feel, right now, but not by the time you read this.
i'm not your ghost, or tragedy. simple resolve.
☟☟☟☟￬
take a look see, there it is, plain as day