Oh!

There's some things that I say in confidence, that articulate my willingness to be selectively vulnerable.

There is also my unwavering resolve to not ever back down, especially to cowards, "cool boys ", and the like…

I'm not afraid to kick someone's ass who will mess with, cause harm, or inflict duress on those whom I love. Whether it be physical or otherwise. There will be destruction where necessary. 

I have a vision, and a plan, and I know what I want. Be gracious, Hayden, but don't throw discernment out with the bath-water. Be kind and meek, but be able to hold fast against the blistering winds of this world. Look everyone in the eye, and be in that moment. Life, love, learning, growing, hope. Future and all of it's belongings will unfold without my will, so, I do what I can in harmony with what God has. 

I know who I love, I know what I want to do for my remainder on this Earth, and I will fight and serve and love and die on this road to KINGDOM. Mark my words. 

What Would I Say? Pt. 1

I've been introduced to this new site that will ultimately be the end of me. Science, lines of code, and algorithms have taken everything I've said on Facebook and mixed them up into phrases. Below are a few samplings of what this website has come up with...and please forgive me for the occasional heresy that pops up.

(It is inevitable when you post as many verses, quotes, and jokes as I do)

"That awkward moment when you're single"
"It really impacts my life for the beginning of the THINGS"
"Let me learn by paradox that the repenting soul is consumed with sin"
"He is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but take heed of those small beginnings of a life committed to him beholding your wall."
"Let me find my life committed to innocence..."
"'Duh Seth.' - Mark Driscoll"
"John 10:11 Jesus said, I may come on down to the Lord. What Jesus says here is my life to be for the Killers."

And there are so many more, and so hilarious! Check it out for yourself:

www.what-would-i-say.com

salt

May I never lose it
May you always be the fragrance
May the light never dim
May the sound never cease
May the words never end
May the silence find its place

Keep me fierce. Loving. Discerning. Salt and light.

May our world fall to ruin
May your grace prevail
May the justice of God judge
May KINGDOM come soon(er)


Cities on hillsides burning into the night, exalt, make Thou name great, for Thou art worthy.

the sweetest thing

The frontier of profession and thick atmosphere is continually beckoning my name. There's something about that moment, that synapse of sound and emotion, which allows you to reach deeper in someone's soul than they even let their closest friends. God gave me this thing, this insatiable outpouring of being that. Of, I don't know what you'd call it, because I don't know what I'd call it either, connecting with perfect strangers, and making your companions understand everything and beyond with the fixation of a listening room - listening to every. last. note.

I've reached a new climate. I've found this sweet spot, this departure of being dictated by convention, of saying to hell with the box and think about things in new ways. Perspective has afforded me the broadest view of the most unscathed landscape you ever imagined. Sometimes when you think of "what's out there", your mind might snap to a world like Middle Earth, or the Never Ending Story, or even some transcendent planet of utopian proportions. I assure you, it's even more.

I'm not so much only thinking about what heaven is like, it's more like I want to start living for it more consciously. Everything that I'm going to do is going to be founded upon pushing people towards Jesus. That's all leadership is. That's all caring is. That's all holiness is. And not in some contrived way do I use the word "all", by means to degrade it or reduce it to a simple facet of life. I simply mean to say, all of it added up, all that I'm doing is going to bring people along the road with me to KINGDOM.

Music, friendships, my girl when God shows me her, any-thing-church-related. Ministry is full life. Coram Deo. All things before the face of God. Ministry isn't something slated on planned servanthood, or whatever that site is. Ministry isn't on a day. Ministry isn't something you sign up for, it's something that you're elected to.

Jesus is convicting my heart in a lot of ways. I'm going to live as a pastor should live. I'm going to love as a pastor should love. I'm going to stand for the truth as a pastor should. I'm going to prayerfully and carefully know the truth of Jesus and all that entails, because His sheep know His voice. God, the sweetest thing is to live for THAT day. And all your potential you gave me, all the gifts and skills I have, all the resources I can use, I want to give it for you and make the most. Work hard, work harder, enjoy life, enjoy salvation today. Enjoy it because that's all I can do, it's simple idiocy to not enjoy it.

God has given me music, that's the biggest thing. That's so intangible and makes the least sense to most onlookers, but it's a me and God thing. That's what makes me tick. That's part of his glory in my heart. Amen.

musings of an old mind in a twenty-first century body

Oh what lengths I've gone
The stones I've thrown
And whispers swallowed

The muck and mire hath not betrayed me
For I know my origin, I know whence I was birthed
My father is of dust, and my bondage shall wither
In a moment, and a flash, and the swiftest stroke
I AM will take the soul that I am

Rain and dreary will subdue my anger for today
The clouds of protection guard me from venom
And space decay will never set hold my mind


I will always run towards that day
Never will I desire anything greater
For longer
For better

I will take for me a bride
For I was made for her
and she was made for me

And we will run towards THAT day
we will run through woodlands
through hardships
through hiphop clubs
the urban slump of the death of Christendom
and we will love our God, and each other
AND I WILL HOLD ON SO GRATEFULLY
because each breath is a gift
and each breath of hers is a gift


I will find her, my maiden, my bride, the wife of my youth
for she will be along the same road in my pursuit of KINGDOM.

Irresistible

“Grace is the celebration of life, relentlessly hounding all the non-celebrants in the world. It is a floating, cosmic bash shouting its way through the streets of the universe, flinging the sweetness of its cassations to every window, pounding at every door in a hilarity beyond all liking and happening, until the prodigals come out at last and dance, and the elder brothers finally take their fingers out of their ears.” 

- Robert Farrar Capon

Ode to Yesteryear

There's that young, restless heart again. So wily, so off the cuff. Actually, I don't think that I wore cuffs often enough to consider any of my actions not riddled with spontaneity.

Late nights, tired eyes, rock and roll music that really makes my heart feel like it was all a dream until now. Waking up, driving to numb, I find things that pull me back to getting butterflies and having less of an iron constitution.

Reality hits, the record player screeches to a halt. I forgot to water the plants, I have two bills and freelance bids due that I'd much rather bid adieu. The clock ticks on, and there's not a solitary thing I can do to stop it. Sadly, I never learned French like I wanted to, and I haven't gotten to that washboard physique that would make me photo worthy of Billboard's Hit 100 chart in a nice modern gentleman's suit. Or at least be friends with Ryan Gosling.

I was never one for skinny ties, and I certainly have no skinny ties because I'm half British and my dad eats victory and protein shakes for breakfast each morning. Genetics says I'll have husky bloom, thanks to coach. I'm still working to be fit though, but for reasons of stewardship. Image isn't everything, because all is vanity. My silver lining comes in when the bass drops, and mulling over all my influences musical and otherwise have started to find their home amidst the cogs and colored shapes that make of the musical parts of my heart and mind. I'm appreciative of these things building up inside, but I'm dangerously itching to open the floodgates before this levy breaks.

There's a younger me that never got to be, and he's living locked up without a key. He never got the chance, he never received the benefit of the doubt, he never knew how to say what he meant. So, he slips me notes every now and again, flipping light switches that I forgot were even there. Some things you just can't go back to, and the things I've done are all for a reason, and the things I never got to do aren't lost. This isn't the end. Finishing an album isn't an end. Buying a house or getting married aren't the finish line. These are all just checkpoints, and that kid kicks my heart to remind me of the fiery passion I used to have. Keeps me from being gray and predictable. Keeps me from being hopelessly adorable like Harold Krick.

Well, the passion is still there...just buried underneath receipts, calendar notifications, spilled coffee and Coldplay vinyl sleeves. I'm only in my mid twenties, and I feel older, and look older still. Pick up the needle and start it over, but flip it to side B please.

Thanks,

The Management.