Well, I feel weird.

For the first time in years I feel good that God doesn't have a girl in my life.
It's been always pressing, discouraging, lonely, yet hopeful - for the one off phantom day that she might pop in and say, "Yeah, I agree. Let's just spend the rest of our lives together." (Which the pretense to that is me doing a lot of talking and explaining myself.)

And now, I look at everything and I'm completely satisfied and grateful for where God has put me.

I think it's just weird because it's always been the other way for my heart - now I feel, light?

My major caveat is not to exclude the option for a girl at all!!! I do want to find my perfect wife who wants to be a pastor's wife to whom God appoints me, and she's wonderful and beautiful altogether I know, but right now, it's just that time. But I can't live without her...haha.

I suppose a few things have to happen before the ball gets rolling. Those would be:

several sit ups and eating better.
moving out - and/or buying a house.

But I could be daft, and maybe nothing like that at all needs to happen.
I guess I just need to do more listening, because I'm good at patience for now.

k, i love you, when i know you.
But this song is bringing me lots of different heartbeats:


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  Codex by Radiohead