Last night I watched Good Will Hunting, and Memento before that, for the first times. Maybe it's an odd pairing, but I've been in an odd mood.

Good Will Hunting was a really cool movie. There were a few parts that made me choked up. I haven't seen a film since Up that did that to me. Interesting feeling, trying to relate to people who you don't even know, but you know exactly what it is they feel in that moment, and you fight for them in your heart.

Memento was wild. I called Netflix at the end to complain about their streaming service playing the movie backwards. I enjoyed it, and all the swearing in it made me feel like I was back at work.

I don't know what the deal is, though. It's been a waterworks fest lately.

There are moments of weeping over my brother, because he's a homosexual and needs to repent and turn to Jesus. I love him with the truth, and I try to pursue him, even though his heart is in a rebellion. It sucks way bad. That, plus the entitlement attitude, disrespect, disobedience, and suppressing the truth.

There are moments I cry for my sister, who lives with her boyfriend, and I think that she should know better, and I get discouraged at how broken my family is. I think that's why I'm so drawn to amazing families within the Church.

I think that's why I want to be a daddy so bad. My parents did the best they could, and I love them for it. My dad never had a dad - Jerry showed up after my dad was born and he had another woman with him even as he came home to see his own son before taking off again. The dude was a handful of swearwords to say the least. I hope he got saved at the end of his life. I hope Jesus rescued him. Despite that, my dad has done well, and works hard, and loves with a tough, coach-esq love.

I don't really know where these tangents are coming from, but mostly to say that I've been feeling more emotion out of my callous heart lately.

But I do want to be a daddy, and make home safe. Love my wife with my whole heart and serve her with my life. Raise children in the Lord.

Sometimes things happen so backwardsly, even to the point of making up words like backwardsly.
These aren't the things I was looking forward to. Maybe it is time for me to leave...