Thursday, September 27, 2012

CMND+Z

I'm trying to get a healthy balance of rounded reading. It's difficult when I'm trying to learn 45890349823012752839427 things at once. I'm trying to be successful here, OK? I can't undo anything - or unspeak. I save save save, copy after copy, and make efforts to speak - though I mostly just type anymore.

H.P. Lovecraft was before his time - very much so. I enjoy him very much. But I do think they could have made him more digestible, his publications I mean. Like so:


In review for pastoral training class, it asked for the last 5 books I've read. I had a good laugh, simply because it went from 1-5 as fundamental Christian doctrine and ethic, to Atheistic Sci-Fi. An uncontainable irony, something that someone like me understands.

I just ordered a book from Kessler, which I'll add to the stack, and I need a new biography. I want to get to know someone I've never met. It feels like new paint. Oh, and then there's this too:


Monday, September 24, 2012

I started writing something down, but I couldn't bring myself to finish.
My world changes week by week. It's insane. I am so saturated in everythingness.

My duties now include:
Photographer, In-House Designer, Social Media Director, Graphics Animator, 3D Animator, Assistant to the CEO, Videographer, Editor, Sound Designer, Customer Service (Phone, emails, web) Marketing, Copywriter, Web-Store admin, Blog manager.

I hope by this time next year I'll be into my own house. Seriously. That's really the only prospects on the horizon. I also want to make my own record still - even though music is still so uncertain - even though I'm certainly still writing music.

Thursday is when I start my new meal plans - and the next few days are for weaning into this stark change. I'm trying to wrap my head around all these things, even Muse's new record.

There are a lot of things I'm looking forward to, but just right now, it's sweat and unburying my head.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

reflectiveness and something fierce

The establishment is changing. Ways of reform are striking throughout every part of my life.
There are wars and rumors of wars. I can even stomach to look past all the treacheries and hubbub that muddy the waters.

I felt like sinking in silk that one time you broke all my clay pots, and said that painting them would just whitewash what really was there. The storm came, and I took my eyes off you.

Never did I think that so much obsession, so much self satisfaction would ever become an alternative to focusing on you.

This whole time, through all this postulation, and stark hope, I thought that there would be nowhere else to look. I didn't know. I didn't think to look for it.

-If I can't carry on, you'll have to understand why.
My bones are tired, and I would rather drink and smoke than have to sing again. It's just not fresh, like cut grass or freshly sawed lumber. That morning twinkle, that fresh pep step of breathing easy, it's all a faded memory. I sometimes think about going back. I often reminisce the times of zeal and youth, where musical passion beat life through my veins. When I looked up and he was raptured in song, and she had a soft smile with her eyes closed, cooing sweet praises to the King.

I heard this one chord though, it sunk my soul. It felt like I was in love, or knew how to be that way.
Maybe I'll still keep music. I'll have to be convinced of it - Aslan will have to tell me. Or else I'll let it go.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

The harder I look
The deeper I dig
The closer I focus
The longer I think
The greater I listen
The slower I ponder
The wider I scourer
The finer I critique
The more I see God and how it all comes down to his chief purposes.

That we see him fully, forever. And that we see who we are and were at that time, and that our desperation of gratitude is so magnanimous, so overwhelming, so filled with the utmost humility, that the weight of that reality drives us face down in front of Him, and that we spend the rest of eternity enraptured in giving all praise and all glory and all honor and all adoration to Him. That His eternal, immutable, unwavering attributes may forever be exalted. That His name may be revered above every name, and tongue, and tribe, and whatever occupational standards exhibit the new heaven and new earth. He is Holy.

I want to walk in the garden next to God, as I do now walk in the garden with God in prayer.

God will do what he will do, and be just in it. Even if people don't want to believe that, or Him, that he will do it. I can't fathom spending eternity with God when you have a problem with Him being God and doing whatever he wants. I don't think those people will enjoy heaven that much. I will believe Him to be right in all things. Even if that's the only tenant of my faith.

SDG

Monday, September 10, 2012

People, Stuff, Places, and Unorthodoxy

There's a whole lot of people who think a certain way. They all seem to parrot their favorites.

There's a whole group of people who do things, or have things, or talk about things - because it's the only substance they have to keep them kindled, or glued together.

There's an entire void in one's life to feel the need to go somewhere. It's either safe, exotic, important, far off, introspective, loud, or a vice to get your jollies tantalized.

(God has given good gifts to be sure, but not at the extent of replacing him in our hearts)

There's a wide-spread epidemic in our churches in this country, and it's tragic. It's where unorthodoxy is esteemed by touting relevance. Reverence is crucified for contemporary methodology. Holiness is brow bashed, and the Bible is kind-of-but-not-really authoritative; which holds no weight anyway, because no one is wrong anymore, and no one can be corrected. It's a lot of self-indulgence believed to be faith.

Our world is lost, and I fear our churches in America are getting to be that way too. Because we try to be like the world. We try to have appeal at the cost of being holy.

No man seeks God. No one wants to admit to and swallow their pride - kill sin - take that bitter pill. But it has to be done. It has to change. We share the gospel, we preach repentance, we pray for the lost, we show the world Jesus, yes, we do all these things. But God will see his purpose fulfilled in the end.

People resist the Holy Spirit, for what they think is a holy spirit. It's a euphoric hyper-emotionalism. People profess to love Jesus, very deeply and convincingly, but would abhor and mock the things he would say to them. I don't know where the disconnect is. I don't know when it happened. I see it sticking out like a sore thumb though. If only our focus was on the Cross, and Him crucified. But it's not. It's on things to do, places to go, people to please.


Jesus please purify your Church.
Jesus please help me to love people with the truth.
Jesus please help me to be correctable.
Jesus please drive out the wolves and cantankerous goats.
Jesus, please come back.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

I'm on my way for bigger things. I had no idea this is where I'd be dawning upon my 24th birthday. I had no idea this was possible. It makes trusting in the Lord that much more palpable. First hand fruits, I guess. It's a lot, and I write this as a check point, so I can look back and remember this feeling in my heart. Remember that hard work is what gets the job done. Remember that I'm not entitled, and what I have comes from God's kindness.

A neo-genesis. Boldness.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Prayers when I'm being faithless:

Civil War
Social Unrest
Political Puppetry
Apathetic Luke Warm, Self Indulgent, Depraved Generation

I don't know how long I can stand to see such horrid decay of the world around me. My own sin is too much to handle. I'm awestruck at how the grace of God forges me to him and I am left without words, or blemish.

We are done for. No matter which side of the aisle you sit on. In the next 10-20 years, our world will be unruly and completely different - and I fear it'll be for the worse. People hate God. People who think they are Christians hate God. The older I get, the more narrow I see the way - it is uncompromising.

Standing for Biblical truth, for Jesus to be ultimately supreme in the hearts of his Saints - that is the only hope. Being able to self-sustain in pursuit of genuine faith will be what keeps people alive. I hope he comes back soon, because these days sometimes hurt too bad, and I find myself saying it's ok to mask it in laughter.

I'm getting rusty. Jesus come back soon, my eyes aren't dry that much.


Psalm 42:5
Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation.

119:114
You are my hiding place and my shield; I hope in your word.