give and let live

I absolutely love blessing people. God has really put it on my heart to be that way, I think, and any chance I get, I try to take full reign on it and go all the way.

This weekend was one of those times, and it felt so great. So many people richly bless my life, by virtue of relationship, provision, availability, spirituality...etc. I can't really put generalizations on it, I just like to express my affection. That's just how I'm wired.

I love tithing, and giving back to God what is his. I love expressing tokens of gratitude. I love taking my parents out to Wild Grape Bistro and letting them order anything they want. My heart is exploding at the notion of what owning a home will mean for blessing others with a place to dwell, live, meet, have study groups, cook for, have parties, watch Life Aquatic. I really am so excited, more so than I have ever been about anything in a long long time.

It's all glory to God alone. I really am nothing on my own. I am so thankful in so many ways as to how God has really brought me along. He has lightened the way through dark nights of my soul, and it is only by his grace that I lay in bed after a most satisfying, but long and tiring weekend, and write any of this.

He is so unconventional, and really does things in personal ways that are immeasurable otherwise. I can't look at anyone else's life and say "God, why didn't you do that for me?" I can only look at the handy work of God, and realize that his chief means are all that matter and I always want to desire that.

Tomorrow is the start of a new fresh week, and a lot is coming down the pike. This year will prove to be immense. I am on the cusp of a lot of things big, and I pray that God is always my focus, and lends my heart to want to honor him more. It's not about me. It's never about me. God is mighty. God is powerful. God will at the end of the day be glorified. I pray I'm continually obedient and strive for holiness.

O to grace how great a debtor

Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

O that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace;
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day.

cold, calculated

I dont want stoicism, but I can't help but remain stern.
It's that in between part, where you know that a whole new chapter of life is on the turn.

A fresh page, blank, texture.

Riddled with ink and reverence, I'm really trying to figure out what's next. I have some things on the horizon - but it feels like a wasteland and a drought. Maybe it's the smog, maybe it's Smaug. How do you have passion and remain a realist? How can I be a zealous reformer? I'm fascinated, and have been for sometime the Munus Triplex - it's an incredible model to follow since it covers all the bases.

I want to love Jesus unlike ever before, because I know as the years pass on that's all that will matter. Obedience. Faithfulness. An adoring son. A loyal soldier. Beat my heart and blind my eyes, I have so much to give and nothing to lose.

Bookmarks only belong in books, not in life. I can't justify having any hold ups. I'm not waiting around. It'll be, well, a good year. I'm learning to trust in God more now than ever.

FOR SALE

It gets lonely looking for houses, and reading mortgage information, and realizing that wherever I find, whenever I move, I will have to fill up an empty space all by myself.

I'll have brothers live with me, sure. But still, I never thought it'd be this way. I didn't picture any of this, and I'm not complaining, it's just not the polaroid I had pinned in the back of my head.

I pictured walking hand in hand with a fiancee, or serious girlfriend, shopping for houses, driving around in the springtime air. (Serious girlfriend not to be contrasted with those joke kinds of girlfriends who love you for paying for their dinner, and kissing their neck, but move on because they're fickle or whatever.) Warm Saturday, strolling through neighborhoods after a nice hour spent over coffee sitting across from each other, staring at and adoring each other. Smiling.

This is very similar to airports and shopping malls for me. It just is.

I haven't even remotely considered any place seriously. I've clicked "Add to Favorites", but I'm mostly looking at places that I can kind of destroy and rebuild with nice hardwood flooring, fancy kitchen, and a big enough living room or basement for house church...you know, for when being a Christian become illegal. ;-)

God knows, and I don't, yet. It has been a new kind of awakening to be in this place. It just is.

New Blog Plug

Hello fellow readers,

I've started a blog in addition to this. It is going to be dedicated to the Bible and what God is teaching me. Follow or subscribe and read more if you'd like:

http://coramdeo116.blogspot.com

Thanks!

Soli Deo Gloria

This made me chuckle, given that I'm just now reaching the crest and heading down the back-end of this terrible flu/cold.

Stole my weekend, stole my joy, but on the flip side, I got to lay in bed for two days and catch up on television shows I've always wanted to see. Walter White is memorable, like Don Draper, or Hayden Henderson. Good day to you.