It gets lonely looking for houses, and reading mortgage information, and realizing that wherever I find, whenever I move, I will have to fill up an empty space all by myself.
I'll have brothers live with me, sure. But still, I never thought it'd be this way. I didn't picture any of this, and I'm not complaining, it's just not the polaroid I had pinned in the back of my head.
I pictured walking hand in hand with a fiancee, or serious girlfriend, shopping for houses, driving around in the springtime air. (Serious girlfriend not to be contrasted with those joke kinds of girlfriends who love you for paying for their dinner, and kissing their neck, but move on because they're fickle or whatever.) Warm Saturday, strolling through neighborhoods after a nice hour spent over coffee sitting across from each other, staring at and adoring each other. Smiling.
This is very similar to airports and shopping malls for me. It just is.
I haven't even remotely considered any place seriously. I've clicked "Add to Favorites", but I'm mostly looking at places that I can kind of destroy and rebuild with nice hardwood flooring, fancy kitchen, and a big enough living room or basement for house church...you know, for when being a Christian become illegal. ;-)
God knows, and I don't, yet. It has been a new kind of awakening to be in this place. It just is.
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