Where these wild things are

God has continued to show himself in the most remarkable ways. My road has never been more clear. I don't even know where to begin, except for beginning.

God is just, and shows his justice in people made in his image, in different times and places. God is loving and the kids with nothing more than dirt on their faces and worn pants barely hanging on say that they are grateful for life because God is good to them. God is loving for not destroying America yet. God is kind to show his benevolence in the unity of the global church, and how these saints feel like familia. 

I pray that those whom I shared the gospel with truly become saved. I see how visiting an impoverished family with a bag of food as a gringo will automatically give me the stage for discussion. They were welcoming and listened intently, but I tried to be clear as to the vitality and palpability of a personal relationship with Christ for them to be saved. A good majority of people expressed how they attend pentacostle  churches, yet tell me that their salvation is dependent on going to their church and doing good things. I brought it back to Christ always, and only prayed with one woman who said she wanted to be saved. There are still two days left for God to work through our team, but I trust his sovereignty to use the seeds we have sown to work out his plan. I'm satisfied in knowing the full truth was given as the Holy Spirit led.

I fear too many people the world over are missing Jesus, as I see that works based salvation ideology is an epidemic. Many churches everywhere that aren't the Church. I fear the world is far too big to talk to seven billion as one man. But I'm up for the challenge. 

There's much to be done at home, and that's a good place to start and continue building. I'm very convicted by the intentionality of the church here and how they know the needs in their community and meet them. I want to do that, as much as it translates for America. We will always have the poor, Jesus told us, so we will always have work to do. 

God has done miracles in my midst, and it's been wild to see the swift hand of His providence move. I pray that I don't ignore the normal graces he gives daily, for they are the means by which he achieves his extraordinary ends.

When you really get out of it, really leave all conventional modes of life and routine, you get to see where the wild things are. These are the places where God shows how remarkable his handiwork moves behind the illusions of safety we put up...or at least that I put up.

I'm exhausted, and I just had to jot some thoughts - I'll write more when I get home. Soli Deo Gloria!

O me of little faith!

A lot to think about, but no time to say it all:

Rich or poor, what God has for me is enough.

Single or married, where I am is what God wants.
Broken or strong, Jesus died for me to surrender.

Bringing me into his Kingdom isn't where it stops, and he will sustain me in any way he see's fit. This is a truth, but a hard truth to believe in times of weakness and vulnerability.

It's really hard to understand my Father running so quickly towards me, so much abandon of properness or status, to see me on the road home - yet a long way off. But he did, proving conventional ways of doing things are man made illusions of safety - he broke through my barrier of death, sin, flesh and a heart of stone.

The Gospel is good, but it isn't safe.

That you O Lord don't show me the fullness of my sin is not only a magnanimous grace, but proof that you don't want my heart crushed because you love me as your son. Devastating grace, how I want to understand the eternality of my debt paid in full at one moment. Why do I insist on forgetting? Why do I choose my flesh over redemption? I have a low view of God, a wrong view of his Word. You could write my sins in the dust on my bible cover.

Thank you Lord for lavishing me in grace, help me to love you more and know your truth.

I only want to know obedience, and the hard but rewarding road that it accompanies.
I only want to know Jesus fully, and let all else I know pale in comparison.

And a very heavy, sobering, and life-changing amen to cling to this passage:

Matthew 6:25-34

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. 

“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

where were you this whole time

and where are you still, now?

Sometimes I get this aching pit in my soul that knows I'll go home, and it'll rain, and there's no one.

It feels like living on the moon, watching the world go by, watching oxygen do extra things.
A long way remains, but the water cleans me bare.

the air was thin and sweet

Farewell, all is well, I've left all my accounts open but never visit, not even to say hello.

A hush, and quiet transition out of the ramifications in knowing the garbage people say and bothering about other's useless and trivial virtual postulation, and quite honestly, stamping out the harshness that it brings out of me. It feels so right and new to get into people's lives again. I have begun to grow tired and mostly discouraged with social media and the superficiality it puts off. The same conditions that I let creep into my heart and ego and fingertips. Everyone shows off their kids like they're the best and cuter than yours, or that abrasive and angry talk would get pronounced with boldness that would otherwise go unsaid because no one really cares that much in person to say it face to face.

I love hearing about people's day, life, marriage, job, from their lips. I love hearing how so and so lost weight and is doing well in health and paying off debt. I love to hear how school is coming along, and what someone is learning from their bible studies. It's better to hear someone's troubles in person, and look in their eyes, and mourn with their losses and struggle in person, rather than to see a desperate sad soul looking for self serving sympathy in the self inflicted woes published online; in the nothingness of vast superficiality where no one really cares that much, but they sure do have something to say.

It's like a car wreck on the interstate - everyone wants to stop and look and feel the shock value, and it causes congestion and me to be late to work. Rubber necks. That's social media for ya! Haha. Everyone have become the ultimate voyeur and source to offer life's solutions and criticisms.

Then again, all social media isn't THAT bad. After all, I'm writing on a blog. And it's a great tool for the Gospel, if wielded correctly, and marketing and finding silly meme's that really are clever, and probably will cause for some Paleontologists in a millennia to look back and think, "What in the Sam Hell?"

Summer nights sitting on my back lawn, looking into the campfire, having made my friends drinks, I feel so free to drink in their company and listen. Just listen. No noise, no clutter, just heartfelt enjoyment and laughter.

But it is nice to get to know people again, and not assume on them. And I'm not as tempted to boast about myself, since it is only Christ by whom, through whom, and to whom all these things are made and being made. My life is full of his graces and the fullness in him is all I seek, so I stick to God's analogue Twitter, Proverbs, and turn to find my face in his book.

I'll still be funny, even if you don't get to peek into my life as much. I'll still be funny even when you roll your eyes and think, "What in the Sam Hell?"

Thank you Jesus for summer, friendships, graces, yes, your grace.

I need to get on my way. Bow before my King.

Bad things happen, but that's ok - it's unreasonable to think that they don't, or shouldn't. The unreasonable thing is, I don't pray like I should. I don't seek God with daring faith. I think to strive to keep the ultimate purpose of my life to glorify God - and I still fall short daily, hourly. But it's not about sticking with those failures, no. It's about his redemption in my life. It's about seeking him earnestly - running in where angels fear to tread. God has preordained the end, and in the same way, he has preordained the means. To be a part of those means to achieve his end is my goal. I want to seek him greater, and though I know still the weight of my sin, even greater I want to know the weight of his devastating grace.

I want to have bold prayers, confident prayers, and recondition my prayer life and faith to actually trust God for things again. So many things I have let derail me, and Steele's sobering reminder that we are in a battle really got to me good. In the same way, Mark Driscoll had a remarkable sermon in which he addresses spiritual war and being on guard. Fierce and brutal, I need to treat this like a fight again and put my guard up. I want to step out with prayers of adoration, acknowledgement, submission, obedience, requests, faith, impossibilities. He has given me many good things, I know full well, but I want something wild and unexpected to rock my world for the better. I don't know what's next, but I'm looking at whom I can trust in a life long battle.