Sunday, May 30, 2010

is it tempora or temporal?

I cant decide if I'm talking about sushi, or the state of being capricious.

Who knows anymore, right?
My mood changes like Utah's weather, whether I like it or not.
Can I be conceited for just a moment? ...of course, it's my blog, I'll do what I wish.
I made Mike, Billy and Nick laugh a lot tonight, and it was great.  So great.  That's my moment of self indulgence for this segment. But on a deep level, I receive more joy by making others happy than anything else, when it comes to a spirit of contribution and being generous.

Then I pondered that the whole drive home tonight.  The thought of making others happy, and how I'll accomplish that.  Then I thought about the clicking sound my engine was making and decided I need more oil!  What I've concluded is this:

I love music because I love music. Just that simple.
I repeat my redundancies because being redundant is repetitive with me.

But I also love music because of how it can strike a chord in people's hearts.  Swoon them from normal life. Then normal life rolls around and that feeling remains.  It seems to have gone away, but it's very subtle..until your subconscious kicks in.  Then the music kicks in, inside your head and it makes everything better. It's that melody you hum while sipping coffee and working. It's that beat you tap on the table, or counter top, or knee because there's a jumble in your head. Then it builds up so much that you have to just pop in your ear buds and listen to it.
Feeding that satisfaction and growing the built up emotion from the first time you heard it.
I want to get good at doing that. Giving something to hum, or whistle, or tap your finger atop the steering wheel. Not to my credit in the least, but simply to make others happier for that one moment.

The message in the song is altogether different, and life changing.  That too, I want to get good at.

Give me a month in Morocco, in a fancy hotel with a view of the sea.  A pen, fresh paper, a piano and a few packs of cigarettes with a bottle of 15 year Laphroaig and I might get somewhere.  It has to be late August though.  It just has to be.  Also, I'd need some books to read; aside from my current stack non-fiction.  I haven't read a good novel in a long time.  I'd need that too.

One can only dream.  It'll probably not happen for at least 5 years, but that's only when I'm still not married.  If perhaps God changes things on me in the next breath or two, that'll be better than anything I could want right now anyway.  Maybe she's in Morocco, reading her bible on the veranda, writing down these same thoughts.  Maybe.

Oh and I still need to put more oil in my car.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

untitled project #7..literally.

So this has become my life, mostly, lately.
I pour hours and hours into writing, rewriting, deleting, getting frustrated and then a hook line that sinks my heart.  Below is a screen shot of my most recent project, however I've blurred out the track names and instruments as part of the Song Witness Protection Program...that way it stays a mystery! AH HA!

it's fun though.  self employed for a while.  lots of music.  lots of reading.  watching Parenthood.
maybe I'm going somewhere secret soon! gonna find out here in the next bit, could be life changing...
I'll have to leave some things here though, but I'm stoked either way!  God is good.


Thursday, May 27, 2010

animal

it's really hard to explain but i'll try. So you know how there are some things that are innately out of your control? Well, that's mostly because some things are, and some things are not. The things that are not aren't necessarily in place of entitlement for things that are never to be, they just are nothing-but being nothing, they aren't anything. So nothing can't be anything. Which means there's no place for it to hold a space in this universe. Nothings are usually something. Unless, it's nothing. But then I think, it has to be something, if it's worth thinking about, right? I've been thinking about it for a while now. like i said, it's really hard to explain. and i'm trying. acid. blues. certainty. dominoes. empire. falcon. gamble. harsh. ibex. jambalaya. kickstand. liquor. motivate. nectar. oblique. personal. quill. radioshack. standard. tangerine. umbrella. violet. warm. x-ray. yelp. zombies. all those mean something. because we didn't leave them to be nothing. but all the things that we don't do, what becomes of them? turn right when we turned left, what happens to the right? talked with my friends instead of a girl, what happens to her? ate a carnitas burrito instead of chicken? chose red instead of blue. what happens to all the nothings in life? they are all something, but nothing to me. i'll only ever get to look at or talk to her from across the room.
because that is how far she puts herself from me.
so, i wonder and think about moving on.
seems reasonable, after all this time.
seems like a good idea.
her green eyes say otherwise.
maybe i'll forget.

Monday, May 24, 2010

wake up, you're all alone
cornered in a cycle that never ends
keep saying it's ok, it'll be ok
that the smoke blows over
and i never quit

keep moving, just keep moving

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Alathea, where are you?

in the future, there will be computers, looking for life on earth. sadly, i feel that time approaching. imagine driving down the corridor of a dark city the sun never rises, always resting on the horizon, making the sky always look like 5 o'clock in the morning. permeating through the thickness of clouds, small beams of light hit various structures, refracting off tinted glass and forced smiles. no one is happy. no one talks. everyone in their million dollar cars and sensory chips implanted on the brow of humanity, merges organic and mechanic. nothing is pure. it's all synthesized living. seeing truth is as impossible as reading a book through a frosted window. it's routine, unclean. business as usual is 24/7 and no one breathes.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Girl, I can tell...

This is a great tune. I feel like the vid is somewhat of a tribute to Patrick Swayze...I could be wrong though. Look at your big brown eyes, so sexy...

Thursday, May 13, 2010

tunage

yeah, lots of good music I've discovered/been exposed to.

Two new bands of note:
Thank you to my dear Caleb for showing me Mumford & Sons all those weeks ago,
and to Philip for Department of Eagles.  It's like Grizzly Bear, but with wings.  And no, not Wings with Paul McCartney, but they do have a lot of Beatles influence.  Nice.

Hmmmm, what else?
Oh yes, Mew.  Their new album, "No More Stories Are Told Today I'm Sorry They Washed Away No More Stories The World Is Grey I'm Tired Let's Wash Away" is really good stuff.  Dago burned that one for me, didn't even know about it til Saturday.

New Deftones "Diamond Eyes" is good, except for the bassist in a 2 year coma part.  But the rest of the record is great!  Thant one I owe thanks to Mr. Allred and his iPhone.

Animal Collective is pretty sweet music.  Definitely not mass appeal, but I like it.  And thanks to Greg via Denver, Gerken, for that one.

The Hours are really catchy experimental/percussive semi-electronic music.  Mr. Godbout and Mr. Thompson are whom I owe thanks to for that one.

The National-High Violet, great record.  Been jamming that all day.  I think my two favorite songs, right off the bat (and I know it'll change the more this record grows on me) are "Afraid of Everyone" and "Runaway"

Found a band, just browsing dif band sites, called The Ropes, and they are cool.  Nothing prolific, but interesting sounds/melodies.  Good indie rock, from New York, so it's a bit late on the cusp, but still some sweet music.

And for some reason, she isn't new of course, but I just found my copy of Jenny Lewis' "Rabbit Fur Coat" which made me stoked.  Always love listening to her sing!

The Ember Days played in Provo on Monday at the Rock.  They are great.  Really great.  Haven't felt a rush of believable music like that in a long long time.

And Coldplay are rumored to have a new record out by Christmas this year, but we'll see how quickly that comes to fruition.  They are working with Brian Eno again on this record, but it'll be a left turn from Viva la Vida.  I'm obviously excited for it, but I'm eager to hear their ideas of a "left turn".  Supposably going to be more stripped down, and raw.  We'll see.

Trying to write, but I've got writers block.  Had some cool ideas.  Don't know how dry I've gotten, could just be my own reflection.  At any rate, I'm going to bed.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

memory loss/remembering why

"My pet tortoise is missing!"
"Well did you check eight inches from where you left him?"
-Parenthood

I never really walked outside this late, and it's even better with the rain.
Asking the right questions is key: upgrading from 120GB to a Terabyte.
Information is power, but not to utilize for my domination of an imaginary municipal kingdom.

To be in the know, instead of the dark is more beneficial to prevent ulcers and soppy love songs.
Just waiting for one of those jarring and stimulating intellectual dialogues, but with whom remains to be seen.

I'm gonna go places I have never been. It'll be interesting, exciting.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

severed ties

just tonight, on the drive home
smelling the stagnant cigarette smoke from my hands
and trying to hear myself think
over the churning of my belly
i had an odd thought

and it pretty much made my jaw drop...


i think it's safe to say that 80% of what i do is utterly insignificant.
it's proven to be just fillers...like i have no substance
and i just become more and more superficial.

even when i'm on my way somewhere
i just go, without any forethought
not even a guess as to what awaits me when i arrive.

just press my out, through an old fashioned printer
break ceramic pots over my neck
i dont even think about breathing
and how much that means to me





SO

cut, it's gonna be cut. my hands shake while i thought about it
but i'm just gonna cut everything i held on to.
fresh start, who knows what'll happen...i'm sick of who i am.
so sick. it's not a party anymore. just a sneering headache.

maybe i'm too hard on myself. maybe i've gotten too soft.
the only way to know is not to know and go on unsafely.

and the new MEW record is really good. i mean, damn good.