though the dimly lit lights cast many shadows
and the skin hides the thoughts and the heart
there is much to draw concern for

though the loudness of words with holes in them
and lessening of importance for the "why" and not just the "what"
we must turn down the image and purvey the cold hard facts


it's a daunting and eerie feeling to see someone and be able to dissect their brain.
the look of sad eyes, or demeanor, or sway of language and enunciation says more than they think.
body language, hygiene, eye contact - or lack thereof, posture, comfortability...it all makes sense to me.
and i don't always know how to deal with it, because i notice it so much.

things may have gone from bad to worse, or worse to better, but the best is yet to come.
i do largely hold on to the fact that no matter how much i press and try and pray and dream and hope and desire, God has my life. i feel like i say some of the same things over and over, and even in explaining myself that way i repeat myself, but it's so real to me every day. even on the shitty days where i don't want to read my bible, or pray, or love God, or consider the girl, or go to work - i am reminded of God's ever abiding grace that He gives to me.

i have no place as a worship leader apart from what God did and how he's led me. the facts of life are hard to chew on, and break many of my teeth. right now i'm battling against lies, my flesh resisting God's refinement and to keep persistent.

i'm learning to deal with it. i'm getting ready for more.