Appendix I

My hands are shaky, and I am terrified.
The perfect time to draw back to God.
I have these moments where I beseech my Lord to soften my hard heart.

flip the coin -

I'm terribly happy for the new things.
The possibility of life altering events.
To know that God leads me to battles he fights,
To valleys that he shelters,
To deserts where he quenches thirst,
To love where he shows his faithfulness,
And to certainty that no matter what, I'll be ok.

God is unnecessarily kind to me.
He keeps me when I lose it.
He holds me when I squirm.
He listens when I complain - and I shouldn't be found with any regret.
He corrects me, always.
He is good, for he is worthy, for he is Maker, and I am clay.

It's just one of those daft moments when my heart feels heavier - like a saturated sponge.
Like the first time you hear a sad song, and you play it 24 times before you stop and throw your head in your pillow - kind of like that.

I don't want to be a devotional kind of person. I want to be a devoted person who obeys God.
To be a man, is to always be centered in the heart of God. It's a daily task, and I have more manning up to do than I thought. Pride sucks as it sneaks back in to my heart.

The striking realities of life will take me off course if I lose my resolve.
God must be my all.