Passive Alps

Something so massive, and it doesn't even take heed to the world around it.
they say, "We're mountains. What of it? It's nice to be here, and it's not like we are going around squishing football teams or smashing mail boxes."

Oblivious though, they were covered in water, and now they're puncturing the air. Things change around them, and they don't move. It's just a big misunderstanding, I think.

Grand stones of wreckage, and I've lost my map.

Jane was dead?

no, she is dead.

Martin had no idea. She is dead, she has no commonplace in living kingdoms. No one does. Everyone was dead, and is dead. Born to die, what a wild concept. A consequence that is real, and out of anyone's control.

It's like a mom having std's from sleeping about like a floosy...her kids will probably be born with scores of illnesses and predisposed to more sickness.

Sin.Kills.By.Sex.And.Murder.And.Hate.And.Theft.And.Hating.God.com
we're all connected, so it has a web address, because it is world wide.

Jane is dead, and her lover, and their families, and friends.
Happy Halloween: alone, there is no hope.
let the dead bury their dead. dead can't decide to be undead.

In Christ alone is there found life, and victory, and championship, and new skin, and eternity, and utopia, and pure.

running the map

Yesterday was wild. God is teaching me a lot for sure.

Before I had to be at soundcheck at church, I spent a few hours at Starbucks starting to do a study, but was interrupted by an aggressive heretic. This guy came up to me and asked what my favorite verse was, and then badgered his way through my responses to show me his.

I should have been leery because of how poorly he was interpreting the verses. It turned into an hour long discussion of him trying to convince me that God elected all people, because he made them to sin, so he could redeem them. That hell was temporary and that Jesus will save people out of hell and destroy hell forever. His ideology wasn't merely unbiblical and heretical, but incredibly offensive as to how he attempted to twist Scripture. I pinned him as a hyper-calvinist-universalist. He has no desire to commune with God, or the church or even share the gospel. He just wants to fill his head with the bent meanings of greek words he comes up with. It's so unfortunate and saddening to see people get to this point.

Poor David showed up just as this guy came over to start talking, so he had to sit through this guy's nonsense. But David made a good point when he said, "It's no wonder we're all getting attacked personally and together since we're really pushing hard to grow in our walks with God."

Always a great reminder. I am to be readily prepared at all times for whatever comes my way.

Fast forward 7 hours: I had the opportunity to share the gospel, in great detail with Joseph and Steven's friend from school. Her name is Ashely and it's the first time she'd ever been to a church that wasn't LDS. She said she loved it and wanted to have that "thing" that Joseph and Steven have in their lives. It was nearly an hour spent walking through the gospel with her. She said it made sense to her, and Glory to God - that's great, but I told her it needs to be her decision and sincere prayer. Not to do it because I made a pleading case, or that Steven was there, or because she wanted to clean herself up - but that she needs Jesus desperately.

I'll be praying for her this week, and Lord willing, she'll pray to repent, accept Christ and become a Christian. Hopefully she comes back too! She could be one more person brought from death to life as the incredible miracle and work of the Trinity.

It's a wonderful thing seeing people come to saving grace and actively being a part of growing the Kingdom of God. I pray it's a trend that perpetuates through our people and churches - that more and more people have the disposition to reach out regularly and that we can plant more churches in the next few years.

This is real life. This is what I will spend the rest of my life doing.

fight club

tonight I was ready to destroy someone.
it's disgusting how much inappropriate and crude things we're subjected to.
it breaks my heart for the lost, but my first priority is always the people of God.
they are first, especially my sisters.

PEOPLE DESPERATELY NEED JESUS.
and it's a miracle that he bestows his loving grace upon humanity,
and doesn't just end it all now.

I've got to wind down so I can sleep...

where but for the grace of God go I

it's late. just got home.
my back aches, long day.
i am busy, and God has given me a full life.
not busting at the seams, but things to keep my mind on Him.

i don't know what to say right now.
being humbled by the grace that God generously gives is overwhelming.
the cross is meant to flatten me, so that God is so immensely centric in my life,
that it's not even a thought in my brain to consider my needs first.

God has lead me to this point.
to right now - to the history he's given me.
to the heavy heart, and way of thinking.
to this appreciation and desire for scripture.
to this love for Him and His Church.
to this passion for theology and music.
to this aspiration and call to be a pastor one day.
to serve and give, all that I can.
all these are results of His Love.

Lord, change me more into the man you want me to be.
Convict me more of sin. Make me set apart for your good work.
Give me the mind and heart to live out your commands.
Write your precepts on my heart, lead me in your ways,
for You, alone, Yahweh, are worthy of all I am.

dream of me, I'm pinching

new song-ish

I cant creep, concrete, too much heavy step, so much waiting yet.
Kaleidoscope eyes, city spies, lights burn bright and I feel all right.
Going on forever, listening fair weather, I'll be here in the storm, be sure to keep you warm.
Jumping off cliffs, catching late planes, will it ever be the same again?
Running down the map, bleeding across the lines, I don't know where you're at, but give me some time.

Take a look, soak a drink, messy dark hair makes my heart start to sink.
You, you've always been.
Don't get me started again.
After all this time you haven't left.

no answer

Have you any idea why a Raven is like a Writing Desk?

No one can seem to answer that question, when it's quite simple if you knew Lewis Carroll, or Edgar Allen...

It's not that I ask the wrong questions - it's simply the more obscure ones.
Then again, it's that time of the year when everyone gets a bit more freaky deeky before Christmas shows up; and snow, and cheer, and warm clothes, and prospects of cuddling and a few Yule Tide glasses of things that taste like happy.

Still, there's that freaky part. Just dreadful.

I just want jazz, and rain, and so forth. Thank you God for the changing colors, you've done a smashing great job.

I won't wait until I'm a skeleton to speak up. I'll die if I don't.

Just when I think I've gotten things down, God opens up the floodgates even more.

I like it.

There are better ways of doing things, which I'm coming to find out, and it's incredible how much of a difference it can make. God is showing me self-controled passion, in various forms, as well as remaining level headed and becoming a critical thinker.

Many hard things to stay faithful to. Many easy things as well, which is sometimes harder to stay faithful to than the hard things for reasons of neglect. The bottom line is that God has provided steadier footing on rougher terrain, an open door and three green lights.

I'm reading a book on Biblical Eldership right now, and it's putting so many things in perspective. God is good, and though I'm tired from being insanely busy lately, I'm very encouraged, satisfied and grateful for His lovingkindness in my life.

take me back

that's what i was thinking at least.
driving home, cool, dense autumn air.
wasatch blvd, listening to some music.
slowly getting home, but decompressing.
praying.
thanking God.
the slow hum of my car brought me back to yesteryears of fondness, clarity.

i'm going to take a weekend for myself one of these days, and just go.

subtle, profound

something so simple as someone not being there changes everything

the tone
the feel
the joy

most would miss it if they didn't think about it
and most don't think about it
but all I've been doing this whole time is noticing
and looking forward steadily
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i feel like all in all, my walk with the Lord is strong and consistent
i feel like He's teaching me so much, and a lot in daily moments
i feel like my memorization of scripture is really kicking in
vices come to play at the wrong time
verses come to mind at the right time

my world has changed even in the fact that I can now read better and see things clearer.
not until I got these new glasses did I realize that most things aren't as fuzzy as I saw them to be.

subtle, yet profound.

a big thing in my life right now is organization and time management.
the deal breaker is being regimented and planned, or, all over the place and losing speed.
I've gotta get time back on my side.

I trust that God has it- and He can flip the tables in a week, or in a month - yet I'm learning a new ballgame of stewardship, one like I've never seen before.

block

I'm the only one on this floor. As in, everyone seems to have not gotten on the elevator, or gotten off too early. Much to their disappointment, I might add, where they're at is nothing quite like this floor.

The building appears to be shabby from the outside, but it's in quite pristine condition with elegant tapestry and two pronged light posts every two meters on the wall. Gold plated. Dark, hard wood furniture and a red rug running down the endless hallways.

So many rooms, so many lost memories. I forgot what it was like to be 16 and loving you the right way. Things got muddier once the rest of life sunk in and time stole our youth. I no longer want to be oppressive. I realize that it has been my commonplace to do such things that were overbearing, and loud; very off-putting for you, or anyone who thought they loved me. It was a long, meandering road, but eventually I broke above the inversion - with the help of this tenant and some guidelines.

But this building, it has always been here. I've never really thought about it, but I've never left. Always just moving rooms, or up. It does get nicer though, the longer I stay with the higher I get.

Have I gone mad? Quite possibly yes, but Alice told me that all the best kinds of people do. I may have gone there, but I'm certainly back from it. I aspire to be pleasant, cheerful, observant, considerate and happy. Those things are nice, but quite hard. I've left the light on, in case you want to stumble in to this life.

zoom back in from outer space really fast

AND THEN IT HIT ME!


sometimes I wear my lungs on my sleeve.
i know i've been sick, and i have a horrible cough,
but watching wes anderson films makes me want to smoke so bad.

it's just so classy.

but the more i think about it, the more i'm encouraged to start running again.
to be a skinny cool rocker who smokes is the image i always lapse to,
but i'll die from lung cancer that way.

i just like smoking inside, wearing nice clothes.
having my own decanter set for once...
i love the spirit of it. not in a quaffable way, but for enjoyment and dinner parties.

whoops, that reminds me. gotta buy a house first.
oh boy, this is an expensive dream....

only God knows, everything, anyways

"So I crawl, back, into your opening arms..." -A Warning Sign by Coldplay

My head is stuffy
My heart is leaping
My nerves are bolting
My mind is racing
My stomach is churning
My ears are ringing
My words are mumbling
My focus is distracted
My hope is certain

It's coming time for a big big leap. Something I've never done before.
My hope comes from the Lord, either which way this goes.

Who do you look like?

Matthew 16:26 (ESV)

For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?

That is quite a loaded statement. You can thank Jesus for that one. In the midst of the ultimate call to die and follow - to give up everything you ever had and have total faith - to take up your cross daily and follow Jesus. That means everything: your lifestyle, your habits, your thinking and reason, your desires, your wants, your intake of media and liberal theology, your possessions, your time, your attention, your love, your diet, your image, your identity, your focus and your wrong ideas of God. And to think that giving all that up would be easy for something so certain as believing in Christ, for some reason it's the hardest thing to do.

To obey God is to give God your soul and entirety of trust. We can derive that as the antithetical statement of that verse. If you gain the whole world - it's pleasures and lure - your forfeit your soul. You worship yourself and other things as god. You are slave to the masters you so desire and lust after. Or, there's Jesus. Freedom in Christ. Submitting to the perfect Master, listening, following and trusting in every word. Jesus said in John 18 that for one reason He came and one reason He was born, and that was to bear witness to the truth.

I say all that because there's only two options here:

Total and ultimate surrender to perfect truth and grace in Jesus which leads to salvation and eternal life.

or

Total and definite enslavement to the world, the flesh and the devil and the hardening of your heart which results in the loss of your soul in hell forever.

There's no middle ground. No matter what approach different circles of religious and non-religious try to take or object, it's one, or the other.

Now, take all that and apply it to the Church; just as an interesting look at the state of who you look like as a Christian, and as a body.

What will it profit a Church if it gains the whole world and forfeits its soul?

What if the Church took measure to look like the world? To model and appeal after the world? To forsake the preaching of the Word of God to the Saints in the name of evangelism?

Wouldn't the same ramifications of a man gaining the world and losing his soul apply to the Church as well? Even if the Church meant well in it's intentions? That's not to say the congregants in the Church lose their salvation, but rather, the corporate gathering of Church life would cease to be living and eventually crumble down to but a few faithful saints, and lots of empty seats.

I don't have a lot of answers to this, but it's been treading in my heart for a long time and I see the state of the American Church and how it's severely dwindling. You end up with social clubs of "feel good" people, and the real Christians suffer because of it. The goal ought to be the preaching of the Word, exegetically. To understand what God says, always, about everything. Not just to skip over the hard parts, or the doctrinally difficult parts, or the offensive/non-P.C. parts, but to hit every word, to know as much as we can and live out what God has revealed to us.

There comes a point to which firm stances of Scripture need to be taken, and it's either willingly with growth, or reluctantly with strife and pain. I pray against Churches with shallow theology. I pray that they have men and women who have the zeal to take the initiative to know what God says, to know "why" they believe "what" they believe. Otherwise, you have dead and dying congregations and pastors preaching canned sermons to the unengaged few.

I pray for an American Reformation. I pray that God revives His Church, with His Word, for His Glory. I pray that I am a part of that in some way. I pray that I can be a pastor one day and plant a Church and preach the word (2 Tim 4:2). I pray that soon I can meet the woman who will one day be a pastors wife, who will help me in this neo-reformation. I pray for boldness and humility - unity and love. I pray for co-laborers, brothers and sisters who will stand firm on the precepts of God and the truth of His Gospel. I pray it will grow and change the paradigm of Church. That there will be a clear distinction between the people of God and those who aren't saved that need Christ. I pray for counter-culture Christianity that puts to shame the current face of "American Christianity". All for the Glory of God.

This is wildly offensive to most, and incredibly resounding to few, and I do not apologize. My prayer is that if you are offended, you would ask why. And if I am wrong in any of my statements, that I would be submissive to Biblical scrutiny and teachable. I want to look like the man God says to be, and be seen carrying His precious word forward.

Soli Deo Gloria