It's already five months into the year, and I cannot believe how wildly different things have been. A lot of things have made my life a jungle, and there's a lot of unbeaten paths I am taking.

To be sure, I am grateful for the many opportunities I've been given. Many, many things that I don't deserve - and yet, I am craving more.

A few brothers and I were speculating in January that this would be a big year. I had no idea how hard and fast things move. It has been a tremendously big year thus far, and though I'm not looking forward to the summer heat, I'm anxious to see what unveils over the next few months.

Work, music, outreach, leading a small group - I want to learn to love and give as much as I can. That's the hardest task, I think, especially after a long day. But I'm always ready for a new challenge. I won't forsake doing good. I want to glorify God in everything I do - and that's really hard too. It's a lot harder to say and do that now since more things have filled slots in my life - but I still have wants above all those things.

And a side note - traveling for some reason makes me want to have a girlfriend, or fiancee. I think I love the idea of exploring new places and sharing moments with someone who loves me too. Or having someone to go home to. I feel like when I'm gone now, my anchor gets cut loose and I have the tendency to want to leave life and just go. But that's not part of the editorial - just a tabloid for my life, and that part of my life is probably still a long ways off.

I want to go to Europe a few more times before things settle more. Also, South America and Asia are on my radar. And of course, I love trips to where it's green, grassy and humid.

Maybe I'll go to Seattle next month. Who knows. Time is on my side, because I'm a Calvinist...haha.

DFW

sweet, sweet humidity.
it's a gift from God.

Southern Hospitality
Hard Work
This place is unreal to me. Places like this exist in storybooks and on television shows.

in the night, the stormy night, she closed her eyes

When she was just a girl, she expected the world.
But it flew away from her reach, so she ran away in her sleep...


I feel like some things aren't supposed to be like this. I still don't feel whole.
Divine mysteries. Things I don't understand. Symphony. Chaos.

physical music

Today I had an impromptu stop at Target in Sandy.

I decided to purchase some pants, but instead, because I didn't like the way they looked and decided since I'm attempting to lose 30lbs that I wont buy new clothes until I slim down, I purchased some new music.

The albums I bought were:

The Shin's new record
M. Ward's new record
The Civil War's record
Coldplay's Special Edition Mylo Xyloto record w/t-shirt and stickers.

I like hard copy. I like having something to hold. I am just that kind of guy.


And I really like the static that bleeds through the needle once the record is done, and it just keeps turning through the conversation. It's only an hour or so later that you realize it's still transmitting the static from the vinyl and you went all that time without skipping a beat. Wonderful.

midlands

There's quiet parts of life - the places where there's still noise, but it's welcomed music.
The conversations I want to have.
The people, many many different kinds of people, to be involved with.

All of it is an adventure of sorts - and eventually I'll take the time to write something proper. But for now, I think it's just nice to grab and gravitate, and drink in today.

I'm grateful to be alive. I'm thankful God hasn't allowed cancer in my body.
I have a lot to say, but I'm working that all out in my head.

"The love of God is greater far, than tongue or tribe can ever tell..."

candid

shit hits the fan
out of the blue

two completely similar circumstances
two completely different outcomes

emotion, receptiveness, ability to compute and handle = those are the things that make mice and men.

sometimes my heart does a barrel roll and I think, "What in the world are You teaching me, Lord?"
then I think - I'm a terrible Christian - I haven't devoted sincere prayer in over a week - and I wonder why I'm so perplexed at so much.

my heart is in smithereens, as it were. oh boy, how do I proceed further.
so much to do, so little time. and time is a terrible thing to waste, when you're just like me.

bohren and der club of gore

doom jazz
it's, so good.
can you even imagine?



being in airports makes me want to find a nice girl soon. something about going places, far places, with someone you love, and even though nothing is familiar, there's love.

long day, but there's love.

mass

not Catholic church
not physics

it's been a while since I've been on here to slur out some musings of this thing that has become my life.
I've found a new place in my heart for Melody Gardot. She is gorgeous and I've grown fond of her voice.

Something that has caused some alarm in my brain, but not too much, is that I've had a mass manifest on my chest in the last two weeks. It's sore and hurts frequently. I've been taken some prescriptions my doctor gave me, but it hasn't subsided. I'll be going back in on Monday when I get back from St. Louis. I hope it's nothing, but God has a purpose for all things.

God is doing some big things in my heart. It's incredible how much life has changed since becoming a small group leader. I still don't know how to put it all, so I won't try. I'll make a mess of what I want to say. I've been fumbling my thoughts on things that used to make sense.

A glorious terror, this world won't bring me down. Daylight, smoking in doors.