bedshaped

Tonight, it was just right.

Concerts are always bad for my heart in the long run, because I just want to be a famous musician, touring the world, writing about a broken heart, and falling in love with girls who show interest in me, and hope, and tell people about Jesus. But I'll do that here, anyway.

Keane are brilliant. Stunning musicianship, and Tom Chaplin has an astronomical vocal performance. I'm sloppy. I need practice. It's a good kind of motivation to be better.

Anthems, soundscapes, soaring choruses that mean so much to so many people. Singing with all they've got - it really was something to behold.

It's also funny standing by the stage and people come over to look at Kenny and I as if we were in the band, before the show started. I had a good chuckle.

good news, gospel, brews

Whenever I feel like I'm losing touch, God does astronomical, divine, surreal things in this tired, earth-bound soul of mine. I don't have to pilfer through other people's conversations, pictures, jokes to find fake things to reminisce about.

I've found the soundtrack to my summer. Oh my, it's amazing.
Dive by Tycho, it's amazing. A-MAZ-ING.

There are some things coming down the pike that I'm excited about.
In the now - I am glad to have amazing brothers and sisters.
I'm very enthused with the slew of crew that has assembled to share the GOSPEL.
*Outreach at church has been stifled down to "passing out cards". So people don't really know how to street evangelize anymore. It's safe to pass out a flyer and be done with it. The Gospel isn't safe. Jesus isn't safe, but he's good. (As Lewis spoke of Aslan)

I was privileged with sharing the Gospel with four kids tonight. I sat there on the street corner engaging with their post-high school, distracted minds. Their eyes wide at the sound of depravity and hell. I could see their hearts sink. I could see Tony and Zalina's eyes widen and glisten at the sound of hope, grace and forgiveness at the repentance and confession of their sins. To hear that Jesus loves them and wants to change their lives forever, I think that stuck. I hope it does. They have Rock Church cards, and the address, and I hope to see them tomorrow night.

It was also good to hang out with a new brother who's in my small group. He's come a long way, and God is leading him strong. Wilderness and broken relationships, God has delivered him from a lot, and I'm so grateful that he is gunning to get in with us. He doesn't want to waste his life, and I can see that. It's tremendously encouraging.

We concluded with drinks and rocknroll at Twilite - which is my new favorite bar. Seriously, it's so rad.

God is good, and gives good gifts. Even though I don't have a girl, house, bank account, or other things I think I need, I am so satisfied in the treasures that Yahweh has bestowed on my life. I'm not going to waste my singleness anymore - even if I hate summertime.

#goodstewardship #blessings #stoked #encouraged

I am a photographer. Not that I'm a real photographer, but I've taken on that roll as part of my profession, now. So I literally have no idea what I'm doing, but I am doing it. I get to learn one more thing for life. It's fun, and frustrating all at the same time. I like getting back into this "practice" mode. Where I take a lot of time and focus and put it on one single thing. Except there aren't just "one single things" in my life...there are many. Hahaha. I'm going crazy, but remixes, female singers (mostly English) and Death Cab are helping me cope through these hard curves. It's good, I'll be fine.


And it's top secret, but I'll probably record a new song here soon - solo. Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

The bills stack up - correspondence and lack of filing. My time slips away - so many things I would have liked to learn, but for now, I'm stuck with the big things in front of me. My boss is having me learn to do things that take normal people four years of college and professionals guiding the way. I have tutorials and books. I have a deadline. I said yes to this.

I feel like once I get a better handle on this "thing" I said yes to, lighter tides will tread across my mind, and I can learn to be good at other things. Learn to be good at being personal.

I guess I like a lot of things, and maybe that's ok. I appreciate that some people will stay with their main food groups of life. They know what places they like to eat, they know what movies they'll only see, they know what music they'll only pump through their speakers, or iPod earbuds, or flat car sound system, or hum through their dry lips...and that's ok. I kind of wish I was simpler. I kind of wish I wasn't a washboard of everything, now. But I like that I like all kinds of food, and places, and music, and hobbies, and professions, and skills, and intellects.

I want to be a Pastor one day. I want that to be a "rest of my life" profession. A profession of the profession of the Gospel. I also want to own a business, and make it wildly successful, and make people's lives better. I want to know how to make drinks/cocktails so that when someone asks for their favorite drink, not only do I know how to make it, but I have the stuff to make it good! I want to love and serve people, better. I want to work harder.

I see the lackluster of what my life can become, when I get passive, or do the bare minimum. A lot of friends think I am "on top", but I just use quotation marks a lot to emphasize really just a normal me, doing things that are unexplained to most of them.

I guess I'm saying, I just want to be there. I just want to be here, for whatever time is left. I want to love and serve for Jesus' sake. I want to be hospitable and kind. I want to hold fast, not compromise, and really change this world for Christ.

I see a lot of that starting in my future living room. Where life is for living.

positive recognition is a pleasantry in life.
it's common to know some people think well of you.
it's more frequent to know that people are upset with you.
and it's the cause of ulcers to know that a lot of people always have one eye watching you.

God gives good gifts, and sometimes good things are hard things.
being told no, being left in the dust, being shut down, being unspoken to.
I'm in the wake of a lot of hard things, and yet, I've not gone crazy, or had the urge to call the game and throw in the towel - by the grace of God.

It's nice to hear affirmation - like I'm not just going crazy.
I'm encouraged with life outside of work, after today.

spotter

There's always one person in my life, looking out for me. Watching for land, so I can port up and refresh my supply. Watching for rocks, for the safety of my vessel to not breach the hull. Watching for sand, so I don't wash up and become idle.

God has been kind to give me others with keen insight. He's also giving me sight to see for myself. Things that otherwise, given commonplace and happenstance, would not be a second, or third, or God forbid, fourth consideration. New lighting, obscurely bright lighting - blowing out form and shape - giving new meaning to closer, yet ostensible, prospects. I have still a lot of "I don't knows" sitting in my hat, and an awful lot of cleaning the smudges off my lenses. My spotters yet remain.

What's next is ______________________.
My life is MadLibs, but God wrote a plan.
May I ever be before His providential hand, to know the unknowable and be who he wants me to be.

Steele's talk really focused a lot of things for me.
Timely word, God's word, living and active to actively give me life.
I'm hopeful, and I can stomach more things at this point.
Tomorrow begins my few day trek alone with God. Studying, reading, praying, wandering the mountains. I'm very much looking forward to this - it's long overdue.

I think I'll make a mix tape too. I need something to help cope with the heat.

recap

I get terribly discomforted when great brothers get the bad end of the stick. My heart is to immediately fight their battle - but to be sure, I revert back to trusting in the sovereignty of God. On the other hand, I get even more irritated when idiots get their way, completely doing things backwards, and it's smooth sailing for them. Boils my blood.

I shake my head because I don't understand. There is a way that seems right to a man, and in the end it leads to death.

Wednesday was a photoshoot. I'm hoping to actually get to using the photo for press shots and outreach shows. Nothing big, namely opportunities to get out there and tell people about Jesus.

I'm making newer friends. More people are getting recycled into the mix. Old chaff are being weeded out. I'm feeling zealous again, about many a thing. I'm feeling, spunky. I remember that I need to be real and humble too - not a hullabaloo of niceties, cheap laughs, and warm welcomes. Those are good for their time, but it's not the plot. Character development is everything. And I even realized today that my address book is lighter, and has only contacts from people who joined in the past 2-3 years.

Everyone beyond that probably thinks I'm a stiff, or rude. Getting to know more people. Talking to girls like I'm not scared. It's ok, nothing is next, so I'm hoping for the worst and expecting the best.


or something like that...