The bills stack up - correspondence and lack of filing. My time slips away - so many things I would have liked to learn, but for now, I'm stuck with the big things in front of me. My boss is having me learn to do things that take normal people four years of college and professionals guiding the way. I have tutorials and books. I have a deadline. I said yes to this.

I feel like once I get a better handle on this "thing" I said yes to, lighter tides will tread across my mind, and I can learn to be good at other things. Learn to be good at being personal.

I guess I like a lot of things, and maybe that's ok. I appreciate that some people will stay with their main food groups of life. They know what places they like to eat, they know what movies they'll only see, they know what music they'll only pump through their speakers, or iPod earbuds, or flat car sound system, or hum through their dry lips...and that's ok. I kind of wish I was simpler. I kind of wish I wasn't a washboard of everything, now. But I like that I like all kinds of food, and places, and music, and hobbies, and professions, and skills, and intellects.

I want to be a Pastor one day. I want that to be a "rest of my life" profession. A profession of the profession of the Gospel. I also want to own a business, and make it wildly successful, and make people's lives better. I want to know how to make drinks/cocktails so that when someone asks for their favorite drink, not only do I know how to make it, but I have the stuff to make it good! I want to love and serve people, better. I want to work harder.

I see the lackluster of what my life can become, when I get passive, or do the bare minimum. A lot of friends think I am "on top", but I just use quotation marks a lot to emphasize really just a normal me, doing things that are unexplained to most of them.

I guess I'm saying, I just want to be there. I just want to be here, for whatever time is left. I want to love and serve for Jesus' sake. I want to be hospitable and kind. I want to hold fast, not compromise, and really change this world for Christ.

I see a lot of that starting in my future living room. Where life is for living.