lines, not to overstep.

A fine line.

There's a delicate balance I'm learning. Saying no for the sake of not being overtly busy and not having personal time for devotions, rest, or even plain old laundry. Then there's saying no because I don't feel like it. Selfish, simple case of apathy. It's weird I still feel that way sometimes, but I look at how shitty the world is, and how broken things can be, and I think, "What's the point?"

A silver line.

Jesus says to make disciples. Jesus says to pick up my cross and follow him. Jesus says if I love him, I'll obey what he commands - and that means knowing what he commands!!! Jesus said if I'll lose my life for his name's sake, I'll find it. Jesus says that if they hate me, they hated Him first. Jesus is King. Jesus will redeem all that is broken that makes me think, "What's the point?".

A base line.

I have to start somewhere. Even if that's restarting somewhere unsightly or less than ideal. There must be foundations in my life - because frankly I've felt like I've been running the map and running all over the map. Trying to keep tabs on too many things, for too many reasons, that are too far beyond what even concerns me. I say no, so what. I say yes, it's for a reason. I don't know what to say because I can't reason in that exact moment. It's simple, but God has really shown me the benefit of shutting my mouth, stepping away, and thinking about (whatever it is) and collecting my thoughts, cooling off, and formulating how/what/when to act/say/go/stay.

There's still so much to be had this year. I am learning to take things one day at a time. It doesn't do me any good to lose focus by trying to focus on everything. All I want to do is be a good and faithful son. And maybe that means I've gotta be stretched more than I ever have been before - which is hard to believe. I feel the weight of time bearing on my eyes, and heart. Something's gotta give, and I think that's my resistance. I'm just going to leave the city a lot. And run a lot more.

I really have to know what I want, and I'm sure that I didn't know a thing.
I really have to know what I want, in order to reach the finish line.