it's about time

Things are good. God is blessing me, even though some days I get parochial and just want to be elsewhere. God has given me unreal positions, and I feel like He has been doing a lot with my life before turning a quarter of a century.

I have gotten to that point of letting people in, so to speak. And I try my hand and having people over, or instigating connections, or even just being social and trying to hang, but I can't force it, so I won't. And it's certainly nice to have switched up my hangout gang as of late. Gives me a fresh pallet of realness that I miss out on, and laughter. Real hearted belly laughs. Most my time is spent with J and the college kids, or Paige and her house. And then I go on trips with Tadd, of course.

And in the silent times, the more "no one gets to see times", I pray a lot for others. It's been a real blessing to reach out to people and care for them. It's been a God thing to show me new ways of looking at life, and praying for others, and participating in God's plan. I'm less focused on myself and what I deem as have nots, but learn thankfulness and a spoonful of "keep waiting son."

Waiting for God to move is terrifying, because I spend a lot of time preparing to be ready, but when it happens, he makes the cogs turn. I feel like a Pinball bouncing around, off bumpers and into 20,000 point pockets that spit me out ramps and past flashing lights. How do I make sense of any of this? I don't really. I just go with it, when God moves quick.

I want Seth to have a healthy baby and amazing family. I want Tim to find an amazing woman and get a better position for work. I want Joseph to grow stronger, work hard, and find an awesome woman. I want my band to do great things. I pray for this a lot. I pray that these dudes get to see their full lives bloom into even more greatness. And I want to love and serve them and with them.

All of these things are taking shape, and it's about time that I've found the edges. I have something to work with; work for. Maybe it's me, but this struggle is a good thing. This life is a curious beauty to unravel and never know the other things. I just cannot wait to wear a jacket again, and see if I can't make some magic and mess and do things better this time around.

That's what I come back to, is if this time around, I get things right, then there wont be a next time around, because theres nothing to come back to - just go on down the narrow until Kingdom come.