When I remember all the time I've wasted on silly things, I laugh with a jab of bewilderment and sarcasm as I cover the pit in my stomach. I never wanted to say I could have done more, or been more, but there are realities that come up through the refinement to prove otherwise.
I don't have regret, I have sorrow and repentance, sans condemnation.
Today, well, today is new. I am a Christian. I'm not a single Christian, I'm a Christian who is single right now. That doesn't define me. Sure, I make mention that I want a woman, a real woman who is dead set on Kingdom come, who will love Jesus more than me and whip me into shape. Even that I struggle days going on without her. But, nevertheless, that doesn't define me. I am a Christian who plays music. That doesn't define me, although I love music so very much and want to use what God has given me well. I am a Christian who works a lot, but that doesn't define me. Making more money than most 25 year olds make doesn't define me, although I realize it's a kind provision from the Lord and he's enabled me to do things beyond my imagination. Materials don't define me. Assets and possessions don't define me. I am a Christian.
Horizontal relationships come second. My chief end is to glorify God as an obedient son. I want closeness and vibrancy. Radiate grace and seriousness, and joy and the sorrow of living in this world of sin. Jesus, bring me so close. I want to be the man that God made for her, for them, for those whom I love dearly and those who I don't know yet.
Even as I write this, the Scientist comes on, and as tears well up in my eyes, I remember that nobody said it was easy, and that I'm going back to the start - my first love. Thank you Jesus that you define me. That I am yours and that you keep letting me come back.
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