car heater

Those five minutes or so, sitting in the cold waiting for the car to warm up the heater, a lot of things started to rush to my panel of twelve spots of thought process. There are always at least twelve things occupying those spaces, and sometimes more, when it's quiet and dark.

1. My toes are so cold.

And they really were, I forgot that canvas shoes don't really do well for me from October-March, but I wouldn't do without them anyway. So it's kind of a curiously silly notion to not find them useful.

2. I need to throw away that laffy taffy wrapper when I get home.

For some reason or another, I'll always find some stray piece of trash loitering my passenger seat; as it is 99% of the time vacant, which sometimes makes winter that much colder. But I peaked at the joke to see if I knew it already. And I have no reservations on laughing out loud, alone, in my car, with the guy in the pick-up truck next to me staring at me like I'm crazy. He's half right.

3. What does my engine look like when I drive.

I always go into this pretend x-ray mode, and want to see a real time motion of the pistons and combustion that occurs. I imagine that is what happens in my brain. Then I think, I'm thinking about my brain thinking; irony? no. Perpendicularly opposite mirrors? Yes.

4. I wonder what doing homework is like with someone who enjoys school, or is good at studying.

That thought lasted about 3.4 seconds.

By this time I was already to the red traffic light, turning right to leave the school.

5. I wonder who else I know is at school this late?

I couldn't really think straight about everyone I know who's a student in higher academia somewhere.  The only people that popped in my mind were Tadd and Philip. But they go in the mornings.

6. Let's hope there's mail for me when I get home.

I always like getting something in the mail, even if it's just something to rip up and throw away. In a weird way, it makes me feel important. And it's super great when it is a letter, or an invite, or even a parcel with goods inside. (Mostly it'd be a book or five...)

7. A lot of pictures rolling through my head:

Autumn leaves in the canyon, the university in Omaha, Nick playing his guitar, Panda Express' glass fridges where you can see the vegetables, a back ally way with a dumpster and passed out homeless guy, me sitting in a coffee shop talking with someone...and about a hundred other images just flash right on through.

8. I haven't picked a song yet.

So I flip off the lock switch from my iPod, and scroll without looking, then click to let it play and guess what it is before I see my random choice. Tonight it was a wonderful surprise of Rachael Yamagata. It made my drive home pretty wonderful.

9. Ooooh, there's some heat coming out of the slots.

When this happens, I realize in about a minute, it'll be nice and toasty and I can turn the dial from "Lo" to about Mid-Hi so my windows don't fog up.

10. Check my phone to see who I need to call.

I called Aaron, Mom, and Josh.

11. There's a blue jolly rancher in my jacket pocket.

Another nice surprise. I saved it until now, to have after dinner.

12. This warm air, the cold autumn night and this song is a really sweet combo.

thank you Jesus. for everything. seriously.

warm car heater, warmed heart, warm song.

here it is:


and it made my heart do that thing...when you hear a stranger totally relate in a curious way, and then your heart kinda swells up and churns; like when it does before you're going to cry, except you don't even cry, or get sad.

I'm really ok though. I get through thinking about the 12 things that occupied my mind tonight, and I smile. I'm smiling now. Goodnight :-)