and it's so hard to see you clearly

if there were a symposium of heartcitechure,
which is the structure and process of the heart,
so that they might discuss the important issues everyone overlooks, like:
its beating
feeling
reasoning
irrationality
wickedness
and life giving functionality
I would like to sign up.


please subscribe me to anything that indicates the direction of God's will, understanding circumstances, relational application, freedom from the poverty of heart-ache, rise above the bed-ridden state of lovesickness, and how to lose 20lbs in 10 days.

I would love to know all of it.

Unfortunately, it takes a lifetime for most of it to come to some gleaning of an understanding in those areas, and the rest of one's life to maintain it.

I am reminded, encouraged, and seriously convicted by the verse in 2 Timothy chapter 2 that says:

If we have died with him, we will also live with him; if we endure, we will also reign with him; if we deny him, he also will deny us; if we are faithless, he remains faithful—for he cannot deny himself.

Whenever I freak out, want to validate my flesh, want to seek entitlement, I realize quickly that I am not being faithful to God, His timing nor His blessing on my life at that moment. I am super faithless, a ton. It sucks. I would like to think of myself as some well-to-do Christian who has things figured out and lives as a role-model to others, yet, I suck at life as much as the person who has just come into saving relationship with Christ. Essentially, I feel that when I freak out over life, I've not really grown much. When I freak out, it's as though I tell God that what He has given me is not enough. And I realize even more so that I'm not being a good steward with the things He has provided. Tough lessons to learn, and come to terms with. I still struggle with it, even today. Like scraping up your knees after a hard fall on the asphalt. Lots of prayer still. Lots of venting. Lots of time with God that I desperately need.

It has been a tough week, and I have a ton to think through, pray about and process over. Thank you Jesus for being unbelievably kind, gracious and patient with me. Soli Deo Gloria.

"...I'm nothing on my own, and I love you, please come home..." - A Message by Coldplay