"You can try and think you are doing everything right....but you will never really know the weight, importance and seriousness of your goals to provide for your future wife, until she's actually in your life and you're in a relationship. At that point of understanding, nothing else other than her matters, and plans for your family takes precedence." -Zach, on our drive to Denver.

We had some really good conversations, and still after thinking through this week and what's happened, I have some serious considerations to do. Times away like this do an incredible thing to me: make me see how far off track I am in a lot of areas of my life, and make me see the positive things God is doing too.

I had quite a few wild cards thrown in the mix, and it is making me take a hard nose look into my own heart and ask "What are you doing, Hayden?" To know the lengths I've gone, and the things I've sacrificed, and nights I've wept endlessly, and miles logged in prayer walks, I should reevaluate what I'm shooting for. Like what happened in stepping down from music, I wanted to make sure I was going to play as my service to God, and not because of routine, capability, expectancy...etc. So in the same way, I suppose I'm doing the very same thing with my heart: towards my future, who I want my wife to be, what my one year and five year goals are. It will be an intensely necessary thing for me, and I might end up at the same point, but I have to go for it.

Getting out of my normalcy, regularity of persons, and being able to share in something so life changing for my best friend, has taken a huge part of my heart and jumped started it. God did it, I'm sure of it. I'm not one to typically react this quickly nor fervently to something unless I genuinely believe with all my heart God has something in store as a result from this. My solace rests in the sovereignty of God, and my stewardship follows in his will. And who knows, it might end up being another three years...that's ok with me.