when i feel terribly out numbered, pushed out, thought ill of, colored, used, abused, slandered, hated and betrayed - it hurts.
and i pray. and i want to forget everything.
and God is my comforter.
then Ryan Adams comes out with a new record, and I feel kinda better about most things - except I want to pick up smoking again.
Lucky Now by ryanadams
And you keep this in your brain forever: In Soviet Russia, my heart breaks you!
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
destruction
As MacArthur once said, "If God doesn't destroy America soon, he will have to apologize to Sodom and Gomorrah..." speaking towards the moral decay and relativism that has swept through this culture.
I hope before it all ends, there's a woman for me to love. That's unbearably selfish I realize, but God gave me a heart to meld with another's.
Desperately, I want people to find Jesus and repent, and love him, and be saved. It's why I do the things I do, today. Tomorrow. It's why I printed 15,000 outreach cards. It's why I write songs. It's why I work 40-50 hours a week, plus ministry - to pour into people's lives. And not because I've done anything, but because God has driven me to desire to obey Him. And I love it. I love Him for it. I want to love the things of Him more, and less and less of the things of this world.
I don't want to fall prey to the culture that ensues everyone else.
And I need to stay faithful on my most important- vertical relationship. God is going to have to be my daily affection if any of it is going to keep working. It's so basic, and almost eye rolling obvious, but I need constant reminding.
It's why scripture repeats a lot of the same themes and principle lessons; we forget and need reteaching so much.
And then there's this video, because I love this song, and band.
God knows, I don't. We'll see what He has!
I hope before it all ends, there's a woman for me to love. That's unbearably selfish I realize, but God gave me a heart to meld with another's.
Desperately, I want people to find Jesus and repent, and love him, and be saved. It's why I do the things I do, today. Tomorrow. It's why I printed 15,000 outreach cards. It's why I write songs. It's why I work 40-50 hours a week, plus ministry - to pour into people's lives. And not because I've done anything, but because God has driven me to desire to obey Him. And I love it. I love Him for it. I want to love the things of Him more, and less and less of the things of this world.
I don't want to fall prey to the culture that ensues everyone else.
And I need to stay faithful on my most important- vertical relationship. God is going to have to be my daily affection if any of it is going to keep working. It's so basic, and almost eye rolling obvious, but I need constant reminding.
It's why scripture repeats a lot of the same themes and principle lessons; we forget and need reteaching so much.
And then there's this video, because I love this song, and band.
God knows, I don't. We'll see what He has!
Friday, August 26, 2011
art is hot
when something amazing is mashed with something really cool, you get this:
I can't believe it's been a decade already. "Let's shag ass." -Royal
I can't believe it's been a decade already. "Let's shag ass." -Royal
I've been found out
Rats, the speakeasies have open formed all this info...and they broke in and took photographs
so this is my public service announcement - so anyone who loves me and wants to help this war:
All my love,
HSH
so this is my public service announcement - so anyone who loves me and wants to help this war:
All my love,
HSH
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
I wonder about a few things:
Why didn't anyone ever teach me Portuguese?
No one, and I mean no one, ever brings up Bangladesh or Finland.
How long will I have to keep punching through rows of teeth?
You would think that any sensible person would own an egg timer.
Then there's this:
I guess there's only so much a guy can do in a day.
Willingly, I've lost my mind. Volition is a terrible thing in the hands of a pianist - there are no words where I go, when I go there.
Everyone is going to school. I'm going elsewhere this time.
trama
Why didn't anyone ever teach me Portuguese?
No one, and I mean no one, ever brings up Bangladesh or Finland.
How long will I have to keep punching through rows of teeth?
You would think that any sensible person would own an egg timer.
Then there's this:
I guess there's only so much a guy can do in a day.
Willingly, I've lost my mind. Volition is a terrible thing in the hands of a pianist - there are no words where I go, when I go there.
Everyone is going to school. I'm going elsewhere this time.
trama
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
not my will, but Yours
understanding the things God has for my life is sometimes very difficult.
not by way of being restricted from what my heart desires, but by way of uncertainty.
this is another one of those seasons.
His will is far too great, far too complex, far too perfect for my limited understanding, even for the moment. So, I go, "I trust that everything in my life is in Your hands, and I can only obey because that's all I want to do."
Sometimes I don't know how to obey, or when. This brings so many questions, and so many answers to older questions.
This semester is kicking my trash already. I am super bummed about not being able to devote more time to school, so I dropped two classes. One class, I read a review of the English professor, and she had a 98% horrible rating. Various students said that she lost homework, didn't track grades, marked absent those who were in attendance and was rudely critical. So, no problem hitting the "drop" button on her.
I can't decide if I should take the last class or not. I know I need to keep pressing on in school, for more reasons than just finishing, but there's so much going on in the next several months that I wonder if it's ok to just not go this time. I have to set alarms on my phone to remind me to just breathe and pray. not really...but you get the idea.
Part of the mystery of God's will for my life.
Work is consuming me outside of work. I spend a lot of time reading marketing books, learning different design techniques and the whole new world of video. It's useful, real time information that's building my reputation at work. I think since being there nearly a year and getting to this point, it's worth going this route to get better at my job instead of writing papers on philosophy and humanism.
I also need to start eating better and working out a few times a week. Oh boy...
I just need fall, and Death Cab, and rain, and days to read, and reasons to wear a jacket. I've forgotten what it's like to feel my heart sink, in a good way.
God has wonderful plans, I'm sure. Just gotta move things from my eyes and see what I need to see.
I am Jack's overbearing conscience.
not by way of being restricted from what my heart desires, but by way of uncertainty.
this is another one of those seasons.
His will is far too great, far too complex, far too perfect for my limited understanding, even for the moment. So, I go, "I trust that everything in my life is in Your hands, and I can only obey because that's all I want to do."
Sometimes I don't know how to obey, or when. This brings so many questions, and so many answers to older questions.
This semester is kicking my trash already. I am super bummed about not being able to devote more time to school, so I dropped two classes. One class, I read a review of the English professor, and she had a 98% horrible rating. Various students said that she lost homework, didn't track grades, marked absent those who were in attendance and was rudely critical. So, no problem hitting the "drop" button on her.
I can't decide if I should take the last class or not. I know I need to keep pressing on in school, for more reasons than just finishing, but there's so much going on in the next several months that I wonder if it's ok to just not go this time. I have to set alarms on my phone to remind me to just breathe and pray. not really...but you get the idea.
Part of the mystery of God's will for my life.
Work is consuming me outside of work. I spend a lot of time reading marketing books, learning different design techniques and the whole new world of video. It's useful, real time information that's building my reputation at work. I think since being there nearly a year and getting to this point, it's worth going this route to get better at my job instead of writing papers on philosophy and humanism.
I also need to start eating better and working out a few times a week. Oh boy...
I just need fall, and Death Cab, and rain, and days to read, and reasons to wear a jacket. I've forgotten what it's like to feel my heart sink, in a good way.
God has wonderful plans, I'm sure. Just gotta move things from my eyes and see what I need to see.
I am Jack's overbearing conscience.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
smile
tonight was incredibly encouraging.
I had some really good conversations with people whom I normally don't talk with - brothers and sisters alike. And for some reason, a few married sisters told me they appreciate me and think I'll be a great husband one day...which was incredibly humbling and flattering- but certainly out of the blue, to say the least.
There might be something in the air I'm missing.
Being able to bless others is a constant goal in my theology/ministry/life. God has given me much, though it's not a liberal amount of monetary things, I am very much drawn to give it back - or away. My time, money, attention, music and thoughts are all containers that I'm constantly giving to other people. I love giving my heart to my family - not in the "give your heart away" pertaining to foolishness - but that they have my affection and full attention.
To have brothers like Tadd, Mike, David and Paul to do ministry with - Accountability with select said dudes + Andrew and Rhett, hang outs with Josh Hardesty and Aaron, very dear brothers like Bryan, Dan and Billy - and to be so privileged to offer them the things I'm able to, that God has given me, is so satisfying and fulfilling.
Then I think about what it's gonna be like to give all this to one person. Everything - the culmination of all that God has made me to be. To pour it out through my heart to the woman of my dreams. That is a wild, exciting, nerve racking thought! I hope it's soon, but I'm ok if it's not - by way of trusting God's sovereign grace.
I'm kinda all over the place - no one continuous thought, but I have to wake up tomorrow and do this all over again in Sandy, for Sunday service. That will be interesting!
I feel good. Praise the Lord.
I had some really good conversations with people whom I normally don't talk with - brothers and sisters alike. And for some reason, a few married sisters told me they appreciate me and think I'll be a great husband one day...which was incredibly humbling and flattering- but certainly out of the blue, to say the least.
There might be something in the air I'm missing.
Being able to bless others is a constant goal in my theology/ministry/life. God has given me much, though it's not a liberal amount of monetary things, I am very much drawn to give it back - or away. My time, money, attention, music and thoughts are all containers that I'm constantly giving to other people. I love giving my heart to my family - not in the "give your heart away" pertaining to foolishness - but that they have my affection and full attention.
To have brothers like Tadd, Mike, David and Paul to do ministry with - Accountability with select said dudes + Andrew and Rhett, hang outs with Josh Hardesty and Aaron, very dear brothers like Bryan, Dan and Billy - and to be so privileged to offer them the things I'm able to, that God has given me, is so satisfying and fulfilling.
Then I think about what it's gonna be like to give all this to one person. Everything - the culmination of all that God has made me to be. To pour it out through my heart to the woman of my dreams. That is a wild, exciting, nerve racking thought! I hope it's soon, but I'm ok if it's not - by way of trusting God's sovereign grace.
I'm kinda all over the place - no one continuous thought, but I have to wake up tomorrow and do this all over again in Sandy, for Sunday service. That will be interesting!
I feel good. Praise the Lord.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
scatterbrain
After an incredibly long week, I find myself locked in my room decompressing. Took up some reading and listening to B-sides and unreleased tracks of bands that I love.
My brain is on recharge and I can't seem to sort out what just happened. All I know is that last night was the most fun and joyous time playing music I've had in years. I think a lot of it had to do with tons of prayer and preparation.
Josh's message on sex and remaining in purity until I get married was super convicting for me. God really showed me areas in my heart where I have been lax and that I need to give that to Him, as well as tighten up and cut out my consumption of influences.
Some things that are coming up that kind of bum me out:
Football season: I don't really get to see my dad for four months because it consumes his life. All my friends get to worship their own teams and play fantasy games that really amount to nothing other than bragging rights. Sure, it's fun to watch a few games, and there's nothing wrong with rooting for a team - but I see how much a win/loss affects a person and that freaks me out. It's almost divisive. That much emotional stock should be invested into a relationship with God, or reading Scripture, or even pouring their lives into someone else.
I really wish I were going on the E11 trip too, but God has other plans for me I suppose. I might shoot for Honduras next year, and Asia at some point in the next 3-5 years. And be ready and willing to do anything else God leads me to.
I will pray that God will lead me to the right Church plant and the right woman. I've really let go of praying for those things, and I shouldn't have. I trust fully in the sovereignty of God, but I have not been faithful in praying like I used to be. No matter what, my heart is that my life is submissively giving God the Glory. Today is good, thank you Lord.
My brain is on recharge and I can't seem to sort out what just happened. All I know is that last night was the most fun and joyous time playing music I've had in years. I think a lot of it had to do with tons of prayer and preparation.
Josh's message on sex and remaining in purity until I get married was super convicting for me. God really showed me areas in my heart where I have been lax and that I need to give that to Him, as well as tighten up and cut out my consumption of influences.
Some things that are coming up that kind of bum me out:
Football season: I don't really get to see my dad for four months because it consumes his life. All my friends get to worship their own teams and play fantasy games that really amount to nothing other than bragging rights. Sure, it's fun to watch a few games, and there's nothing wrong with rooting for a team - but I see how much a win/loss affects a person and that freaks me out. It's almost divisive. That much emotional stock should be invested into a relationship with God, or reading Scripture, or even pouring their lives into someone else.
I really wish I were going on the E11 trip too, but God has other plans for me I suppose. I might shoot for Honduras next year, and Asia at some point in the next 3-5 years. And be ready and willing to do anything else God leads me to.
I will pray that God will lead me to the right Church plant and the right woman. I've really let go of praying for those things, and I shouldn't have. I trust fully in the sovereignty of God, but I have not been faithful in praying like I used to be. No matter what, my heart is that my life is submissively giving God the Glory. Today is good, thank you Lord.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
overbearing
John 15:19
If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.
In a world with so much stimulation - lights, color, screens, internet, sounds, bigger/better/now - it's really hard for me to step back and assess, rightly I might add, the state of my heart and the immediate circles therein.
So much is pressing to get in my brain. So much is digging to find root in my heart. It's almost disgusting how much of my time is spent filling myself with distraction. To be sure, there's moderate amounts of most things that are ok, but I can't help to think that all this input doesn't just sit there. Like some kind of reservoir of information that after all is spilled back out, a residual section remains, and it seeps down into my psyche.
Whatever it is I take in, good or bad, it holds some influence over me. (I realize this is a nominal approach to what I'm getting at, but bear with me.) So I ask myself, as a Christian, what things with Scripture in addition to, or instead of, am I letting indoctrinate me? I think a lot more things do influence us than we realize. And even more so, as Christians, I think we tend to hold on to the things that are not beneficial to us, though they may not be things of sin.
Thinking through my goals of the next few years, and wanting to go to unreached places for the Gospel, and that I want to plant a church, and the idea of "Don't waste your life", the profundities of how much uselessness I allow in my life, and I see others allow in their lives, is more than just a staggering shock, it's grounds for God to take everything away from us. And yet, by His grace He sustains us with the things we have and allows for us things to make us happy for enjoyment - not to be worshiped.
I'm going to end this overview here, but I think I'm going to continue looking intently at different ways that this intrusion of culture and world infects us, affects us and reflects us, with regards to Scripture.
Soli Deo Gloria
If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.
In a world with so much stimulation - lights, color, screens, internet, sounds, bigger/better/now - it's really hard for me to step back and assess, rightly I might add, the state of my heart and the immediate circles therein.
So much is pressing to get in my brain. So much is digging to find root in my heart. It's almost disgusting how much of my time is spent filling myself with distraction. To be sure, there's moderate amounts of most things that are ok, but I can't help to think that all this input doesn't just sit there. Like some kind of reservoir of information that after all is spilled back out, a residual section remains, and it seeps down into my psyche.
Whatever it is I take in, good or bad, it holds some influence over me. (I realize this is a nominal approach to what I'm getting at, but bear with me.) So I ask myself, as a Christian, what things with Scripture in addition to, or instead of, am I letting indoctrinate me? I think a lot more things do influence us than we realize. And even more so, as Christians, I think we tend to hold on to the things that are not beneficial to us, though they may not be things of sin.
Thinking through my goals of the next few years, and wanting to go to unreached places for the Gospel, and that I want to plant a church, and the idea of "Don't waste your life", the profundities of how much uselessness I allow in my life, and I see others allow in their lives, is more than just a staggering shock, it's grounds for God to take everything away from us. And yet, by His grace He sustains us with the things we have and allows for us things to make us happy for enjoyment - not to be worshiped.
I'm going to end this overview here, but I think I'm going to continue looking intently at different ways that this intrusion of culture and world infects us, affects us and reflects us, with regards to Scripture.
Soli Deo Gloria
Sunday, August 7, 2011
sharp.pain
i feel so crummy today.
woke up in a cold sweat, threw up at 5AM-then continued all day.
not sure what happened, other than this:
well, that would explain it. that's what happened inside of me. i want to go into a coma now.
woke up in a cold sweat, threw up at 5AM-then continued all day.
not sure what happened, other than this:
well, that would explain it. that's what happened inside of me. i want to go into a coma now.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Victor turned to Samantha and said, "Darling, your skin is quite translucent, but you still need to let me know. I realize many things can be done, but the one thing lacking is you haven't made it known to me."
There was a pause in the room. One of those discomforts in a lapse of time, but the distraction of the dust dancing in the sunlight as it crept through the half drawn curtains seemed to dampen the intensity of silence.
She tucked several locks of hair behind her ear, and slightly lifted her head and through a whisper and certainty she mumbled, "I have always loved you, but..." and yet another pause -
"But what, my darling?" Victor jolted, with a voice filled with concern and distress.
"...you have moved far too fast for far too long and I don't even know you anymore."
A sigh. A flood of realization of this tragic reality. A moment of reflection.
Then, a simple resolution. With sorrow, he replied, "I know. And I am terribly sorry for being in another world - I didn't know what to do."
Another pause, and she is hanging on his every word. Her breathing quickens, as to demand a final devotion from him.
He takes a deep breath, swallows hard, sits on the bed and grabs her hand.
"I will give it all up for the sake of you, my love." Then a tremor in his voice, "I need you to know me, so here I am. I would give up all the kingdoms of the world, all the wealth a man can posses, shoot down all the dreams I could ever have, to spend the remaining years of my life with you. To know you more than anyone. To love you."
She smiles softly. He rests his forehead on hers.
End Scene. Cut. Print.
There was a pause in the room. One of those discomforts in a lapse of time, but the distraction of the dust dancing in the sunlight as it crept through the half drawn curtains seemed to dampen the intensity of silence.
She tucked several locks of hair behind her ear, and slightly lifted her head and through a whisper and certainty she mumbled, "I have always loved you, but..." and yet another pause -
"But what, my darling?" Victor jolted, with a voice filled with concern and distress.
"...you have moved far too fast for far too long and I don't even know you anymore."
A sigh. A flood of realization of this tragic reality. A moment of reflection.
Then, a simple resolution. With sorrow, he replied, "I know. And I am terribly sorry for being in another world - I didn't know what to do."
Another pause, and she is hanging on his every word. Her breathing quickens, as to demand a final devotion from him.
He takes a deep breath, swallows hard, sits on the bed and grabs her hand.
"I will give it all up for the sake of you, my love." Then a tremor in his voice, "I need you to know me, so here I am. I would give up all the kingdoms of the world, all the wealth a man can posses, shoot down all the dreams I could ever have, to spend the remaining years of my life with you. To know you more than anyone. To love you."
She smiles softly. He rests his forehead on hers.
End Scene. Cut. Print.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
movin' on up...
literally.
ministry:
music - so much, so good.
I've written 6 new songs already, and we can't get to learning them until we do more "covers"
Writing hip hop for Rob, will be playing SOON
accountability - meeting with dudes in the mornings before work.
meeting as a group too.
outreach downtown
writing musical scores for Tony for FW11 and Colossians series
ramping up for some big launches too!
work:
got a promotion
got a raise
got a lot busier
got a lot to be grateful for
school:
finished strong this summer semester
had a class with Keaton - awesome.
lots of money...out of pocket!
I thank God so much for the undeserved good he does for me. Even today I'm reminded of his favor.
Learning, studying, quiet times - it's wonderful. I feel like I'm moving up - and I don't know what to or where, but God is doing some huge transitional things in my heart. It's wild.
Very excited to lead worship this weekend. and next weekend. and the weekend after that. ha!
So much, so joyous! Soli Deo Gloria!
literally.
ministry:
music - so much, so good.
I've written 6 new songs already, and we can't get to learning them until we do more "covers"
Writing hip hop for Rob, will be playing SOON
accountability - meeting with dudes in the mornings before work.
meeting as a group too.
outreach downtown
writing musical scores for Tony for FW11 and Colossians series
ramping up for some big launches too!
work:
got a promotion
got a raise
got a lot busier
got a lot to be grateful for
school:
finished strong this summer semester
had a class with Keaton - awesome.
lots of money...out of pocket!
I thank God so much for the undeserved good he does for me. Even today I'm reminded of his favor.
Learning, studying, quiet times - it's wonderful. I feel like I'm moving up - and I don't know what to or where, but God is doing some huge transitional things in my heart. It's wild.
Very excited to lead worship this weekend. and next weekend. and the weekend after that. ha!
So much, so joyous! Soli Deo Gloria!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)