understanding the things God has for my life is sometimes very difficult.
not by way of being restricted from what my heart desires, but by way of uncertainty.
this is another one of those seasons.
His will is far too great, far too complex, far too perfect for my limited understanding, even for the moment. So, I go, "I trust that everything in my life is in Your hands, and I can only obey because that's all I want to do."
Sometimes I don't know how to obey, or when. This brings so many questions, and so many answers to older questions.
This semester is kicking my trash already. I am super bummed about not being able to devote more time to school, so I dropped two classes. One class, I read a review of the English professor, and she had a 98% horrible rating. Various students said that she lost homework, didn't track grades, marked absent those who were in attendance and was rudely critical. So, no problem hitting the "drop" button on her.
I can't decide if I should take the last class or not. I know I need to keep pressing on in school, for more reasons than just finishing, but there's so much going on in the next several months that I wonder if it's ok to just not go this time. I have to set alarms on my phone to remind me to just breathe and pray. not really...but you get the idea.
Part of the mystery of God's will for my life.
Work is consuming me outside of work. I spend a lot of time reading marketing books, learning different design techniques and the whole new world of video. It's useful, real time information that's building my reputation at work. I think since being there nearly a year and getting to this point, it's worth going this route to get better at my job instead of writing papers on philosophy and humanism.
I also need to start eating better and working out a few times a week. Oh boy...
I just need fall, and Death Cab, and rain, and days to read, and reasons to wear a jacket. I've forgotten what it's like to feel my heart sink, in a good way.
God has wonderful plans, I'm sure. Just gotta move things from my eyes and see what I need to see.
I am Jack's overbearing conscience.
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