reflections

It's always quiet this time of night, this time of the year. Everyone are tucked away in their rooms, and I go up to the kitchen to grab more ice for my whisky glass. And this feeling comes over me, that it's going to be ok.

Spending time alone, a lot, and the majority of it is in my room reading, my mind will trail off to think of which way things will go. And sometimes I get worked up over it, and other times I don't have a problem in trusting God's sovereignty.

Now, I would consider myself a seasoned Christian, considering how long I've been pursuing a life unto the Lord (Coram Deo), how long I've been committed to the Rock, and growing up in a Christian household. With that said, it's very easy to look at myself and think I'm above "baby steps", or beyond learning from the essentials of the faith. Taking on weighty subjects under the headings of Reformed theology, orthodoxy/ecclesiastical history from an academic standpoint can seem to leave the basics of the faith in the shadows from all it's grandiose and lofty philosophies that are entangled. Yet, those basics are the very morsels I come back to time and time again for my soul. It is a monumental thing in the Christian life to live theology, and not just know it, and to live it well, unto the Glory of God.

The reason I said that is because I catch myself getting into theological discussions of various natures and disciplines, with various brothers quite often. And when I hear what I'm saying and really think about it, I do proclaim the truth of the Bible, yes. Scripture's authority is supreme regardless of anything. But, often I find that the same truth I so boldly talk about is quite small in my own life.

Knowing God's sovereignty, great.
Living in and trusting in God's sovereignty, amazing.

That dynamic is what will change me, and you, dear reader who is saved.

Last night at accountability group Tadd said something that was epically profound, and it really rung through my heart even until now. I'm paraphrasing here, but essentially He said, "We often think about how Christ would have died for us, out of all the elect, if we were the only ones who had ever sinned. But what we need to look at is that our sin that condemned him, and that we ought to picture ourselves standing before him bloody and beaten acting out our sin right there in front of him."

God's kindness is meant to lead me to repentance. I need to live more theology, rather than fill my head with something I wont use. If it came to that point, the pursuit of knowing God would be in vain and proven useless, for it would be simply meaningless knowledge stuck in the head of a fool.

I'll end with a passage of Scripture that really changed a lot for me lately:

Psalm 119:9-16 (ESV)

How can a young man keep his way pure?
By guarding it according to your word.
With my whole heart I seek you;
let me not wander from your commandments!
I have stored up your word in my heart,
that I might not sin against you.
Blessed are you, O LORD;
teach me your statutes!
With my lips I declare
all the rules of your mouth.
In the way of your testimonies I delight
as much as in all riches.
I will meditate on your precepts
and fix my eyes on your ways.
I will delight in your statutes;
I will not forget your word.


Soli Deo Gloria