Strong direction and fierce spirit - I feel the urge to go places and make the most of right now. I keep thinking of how I'll be 25 this year, and that kind of scares me. I'm still young, though I don't feel it. I'm still capable, all the while I sell myself short and undermine what I can actually do.

Lots of reflection, lots of punctuation and editing periods into commas. I stare into the fire and watch the embers glow. I sip on bourbon and feel the medicine coax my worrying heart into conviction and honest prayers. Steele said it best this weekend, "God is not threatened by my doubt." I tell things to God, trembling and soaked, and my little faith seems to dwindle like the solitary coal that pops away from the glowing sea.

God hears me, knows me, feels me, and to think that I'm so bold in my profession of his sovereignty is a jarring conviction that I often lack the faith to substantiate my claim to his sovereignty. Blessedly, it's not contingent upon what I think or feel, even on my best day.

So, what next? What's a guy to do? I'm figuring different things out, things like investments, budgeting for the future, what's keeping me from doing the things I want to do, where will I rest my head in 6 months, and still trying to resist my disobedience and maintain self control.

I crave the preaching of the Word, and Steele hit it. This weekend was many things for me, and a timely word from the Lord is on the top.

Other than that, it was a nice long weekend, and I got to have a few parties at my house:
Campfire, friends, drinks, laughs, good talks, good friends who otherwise don't make it down this way. I'm trying to make a strong effort to include people who I love dearly and want to bring together. I love to have the opportunity to break cliques and get people talking. I love to be the common denominator. I love cooking nice meals for my friends, and listening to good jazz on vinyl. I love feeling things and wearing flip-flops. I love being home and smiling to enjoy these dearest people whom God has blessed me with. There's mystery ahead, but adventure nonetheless.

God bless this summer, and the year that changes my life...again.