Who knows anymore, right?
My mood changes like Utah's weather, whether I like it or not.
Can I be conceited for just a moment? ...of course, it's my blog, I'll do what I wish.
I made Mike, Billy and Nick laugh a lot tonight, and it was great. So great. That's my moment of self indulgence for this segment. But on a deep level, I receive more joy by making others happy than anything else, when it comes to a spirit of contribution and being generous.
Then I pondered that the whole drive home tonight. The thought of making others happy, and how I'll accomplish that. Then I thought about the clicking sound my engine was making and decided I need more oil! What I've concluded is this:
I love music because I love music. Just that simple.
I repeat my redundancies because being redundant is repetitive with me.
But I also love music because of how it can strike a chord in people's hearts. Swoon them from normal life. Then normal life rolls around and that feeling remains. It seems to have gone away, but it's very subtle..until your subconscious kicks in. Then the music kicks in, inside your head and it makes everything better. It's that melody you hum while sipping coffee and working. It's that beat you tap on the table, or counter top, or knee because there's a jumble in your head. Then it builds up so much that you have to just pop in your ear buds and listen to it.
Feeding that satisfaction and growing the built up emotion from the first time you heard it.
I want to get good at doing that. Giving something to hum, or whistle, or tap your finger atop the steering wheel. Not to my credit in the least, but simply to make others happier for that one moment.
The message in the song is altogether different, and life changing. That too, I want to get good at.
Give me a month in Morocco, in a fancy hotel with a view of the sea. A pen, fresh paper, a piano and a few packs of cigarettes with a bottle of 15 year Laphroaig and I might get somewhere. It has to be late August though. It just has to be. Also, I'd need some books to read; aside from my current stack non-fiction. I haven't read a good novel in a long time. I'd need that too.
One can only dream. It'll probably not happen for at least 5 years, but that's only when I'm still not married. If perhaps God changes things on me in the next breath or two, that'll be better than anything I could want right now anyway. Maybe she's in Morocco, reading her bible on the veranda, writing down these same thoughts. Maybe.
Oh and I still need to put more oil in my car.
1 comment:
i like this hayden. i do indeed. and you are good at two things i'm sure of: playing music/singing, and being the funniest person zach knows :)
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