my prayer

there is this reoccurring dialogue with God that I have. it gets me to this place at which I feel like nothing can hold me down. but it's somewhat sobering too.

you see, I get way ahead of myself. to a point that these hair brained ideas populate and start running a muck in my mind.  and commitment becomes an issue-or should I say, lack of commitment.  at any rate, I've got a plan now.  I put it on paper, and it's binding and contractual, so that I don't run off and do something irrational that sets me back to square one.

the reality that strikes me, and catches me off guard and really brings out the impurities of my pride is this:

I need to be 110% ok with whatever God has for me.

if I never get to see the road and tour playing music, so be it.
if I get in an accident and lose a hand, never to be the same, so be it.
if I am taken away from the things I know, so be it.
if I never get married or find the one I love, so be it.
if I go blind and can never see the beautiful things in my life again, so be it.
if I get in a car wreck and become paralyzed, so be it.
if one of my parents die, or falls sick with crippling illnesses, so be it.

the ultimate goal of salvation is sanctification to make me a more loving person.
that brings God glory.  and bringing God glory is the ultimate goal of everything.
sanctification is continual, which means constant refinement, which means growing more in love.
and since God is love, and God is also outside of time, that makes Him infinite, so love is infinite.
which means an ever growing relationship with God, and eternally growing in love.

that is a difficult stance to take.  the weight and breadth of that thought.  this is the lump in my throat.
through anger at difficulties, joy in destination and tears for sorrow, so be it-for God will be praised.

as of late, my prayers have taken this format:

Thank you God for the wonderful things you've done
for your truth, life bringing love and justice
for the Cross and that the lost will come to repentance of sin
that people will find Jesus, accept grace, and have new life
for the beautiful people who are in my life
for the family and friends you've brought me to be a part of
for what you're doing at the Rock and it's leaders/musicians
let me be eager and willing to follow you daily
forgive me of my wicked heart and sin
let me endure through trials and consider it joy
let me be excited to share truth
create in me a clean heart and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

but I also try and mix it up every now and again.

I am so incredibly excited for how God is moving, and to see what he's gonna do in my lifetime.