clutter and the doorman

today we had accountability group. it was the first one where we all could meet in quite a few weeks. needless to say, it was overdue, much needed, and among other things, refreshing.

Jess said something that was quite poignant, and echoed in my heart. He said that we need to essentially de-clutter our hearts and lives. We need to ask God to clear things up internally, and seek some form of clear footing. And that was the bullseye for me. That hit it. I mean, this whole time my eyes have been elsewhere. Not to say I'm not seeking after God, closer relationship with Jesus or I've missed the mark in other areas, but that I have had prospects in my queue at close range that I've irrationally kept my sights on.

A lot has changed for me. In me. Around me. For and against me. And my car still sucks.

And in the same breath, a lot hasn't. Namely, the said irrational things I keep looking to. Years pass, and I feel like there are these three things always simmering on the back burner. When I look at them in frustration, I want to just throw them out. Out of sight, out of mind, right? All these things will do is just create a lull boil in my mind, because familiarity breeds contempt.

Then I exhale, and breathe in again. And I look at the same things with logic, wisdom and loads of council. What do I see? Things God kept in my heart to refine me, continually. It's like there's a waiting room to my heart, and there's a one way mirror that I can see in this room. And no matter what I say, do, or try, these things will never see past the reflection. God is the gate keeper, the doorman, the one who allows admittance and tells other things no. These things are intangible, prospective, transitional, provisional, and most of all, love. These things can be clutter if all I do is look at them, forsake everything else to become idle and complain about why these pieces aren't in my puzzle.

I've got to look away. I need to allow God to be my doorman. And he'll weed out what needs to go away. Toss it out with the trash.

This is the importance of knowing and trusting God and his sovereign will. Also, the importance of community and closeness with brothers. Keeping accountability. Keeping God the focus! That's all. Amen.