do what you want

I've come to a point that many don't reach. The part to which the only thing that matters is that I die to myself. That no matter this outcome, whether it be months, years, or rotating Thursdays, I'm ok with these conclusions.

Probably the way nomads feel. Only keeping the shirt on your back, and moving forward. Probably the way the amish feel, disconnected from the modern lexicon of humanity. Like I've stood over the edge of this cliff for years, holding so many things in my hands. Dirty, pretty things. And I've just opened my fingers, and twisted my wrists.

I realized this when I noticed I can't see anything anymore. Physically and mentally. Nothing is clear, and I keep trying to figure out what will happen week by week. It just gives me heartburn, and blurred vision past 10 feet.

Jimmy Eat World never fails to bring my heart to collect itself, after the music from Stay On My Side Tonight tears me to pieces. Then as if a mist rises, and the light shimmers off my pupils, I see what I need to do next, and not fret about what I'm not to do, or who I'm not to be with, or where I'm not to go.

I'm gonna do a few things different.

"Hanging on a cigarette, you need me, you'll burn me..."