Poem #2/floods of thoughts

I've gone down roads like these
Before time took to beating my face
Smoke screen after smoke screen
I hide outside, behind a cigarette

It's always a black jacket,
And something warm around my neck
Shielded from this cold weather I love so much
Wanting something so badly, I don't know what to do with it.

Through the thick night, and steady fog
light posts drape orange dresses, postmarks to take me to bed.
Only me and the sound of the tires on the wet road, over the hum of my engine.
So specific in sound, it made my mind lethargic towards all other thoughts.
Sounds that will paralyze me, and cause me to become instantly infatuated.
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Being too accustomed to comfort, I've evolved into stationary
Not making moves, on anything, and that's what is killing me.
The awful thing about that, though, I don't have a place elsewhere,
and I still haven't left.

I suppose I don't know how to be real,
and speaking of vulnerability, it's easy to say that on this end of my screen.
I suck at being in public, or public secrets, or cliques, and I haven't found
a whole bunch of people to allow me to work it out...

In all of it though, I'm tired and burnt by this semester.
Cant wait for a break, and Jesus to wreck my heart again.
Gotta grow into my new position, I'm not who I used to be...says a lot of people, I guess.
Gotta stop this whiney bull crap, it probably sounds like all I do is complain when I write...
I'm over it