I'm going to make this quick, because I just poured another glass and my battery is at 9% and I don't necessarily feel like getting up to get the charger...
I realized something today - I think I'm too real. To sharp around the edges. I think in our over-stimulated, and emotive cultural/personal mentalities, we have grasped a pseudo-superficial narcissism that makes everything but our own brain rigid. And everyone gets softer, in a bad way.
A brother last night had mentioned to me in passing that he appreciated that he feels I am relatable and easy to talk to. I appreciated the notion, but really didn't think about it until this afternoon. And then that's all I thought about.
Some get it, others don't. I guess that's just the way it goes too. 7% now, I must hurry.
I don't really know WHAT there is to do about this new realization. Am I brash? Am I the "TMI dude"? I'm certainly the "WTF dude". I don't really know IF I need to do anything about it.
12 years ago I was stranded on a rock in Moab, Utah. I jumped down across a gap, and I realized that I couldn't get back up the other side. I was up there for 3 hours before two German hikers with paracord and harnesses came along and my mother solicited their help. I didn't die that day, nor any of the days following, but I certainly remember that feeling - jumping too far and having been utterly desperate. Oh God, don't let me feel that way again. Keep my feet, keep my heart, because I can run too swift and love too undiscerningly that I may just never have two Germans come to the rescue....
AND THERE I WILL DIE IN THE DESERT.
2%
2 comments:
Keep being yourself, Hayden, because you are amazing. I'd ask God where He wants you to be more Godly and go with that, but sometimes there's no denying that God made you a certain way and He wants to use it for His purposes. I'm sort of the same way, though, and have felt much discouragement in certain Christian circles, but I truly believe that God made me this way and He has been using it. People open up to me a ton and I think it's because I am open and honest with them. God has definitely been refining me with my mouth and other areas that aren't Godly, but all in all, I think He made me this way for a reason. And He made YOU this way for a reason, too!
Thank you, Ashlie. Great perspective, so easy to forget. I always forget who I am when all I'm stuck doing is looking at myself. It's been a rough go lately, but God is kind and pulling me through. I need to look to him daily, always.
Post a Comment