It's terribly disheartening how much I really love winter. Like it'd be wonderful if the years just switched between fall and winter over and over again. It's perfect for hot coffee always, jackets, an occasional Lucky Strike at a social event, and so nice to walk out of the gym after a few hours, and stand in the chill air. But then it gets so cold. So damn cold. Paralyzingly numb. This life is cold. My office is cold, and my black couch is common place to just bury my head in my hands and think/pray/vent.

Being a grown up, like my parents always used to tell me growing up, is a big responsibility. I didn't know it was like being Bruce Banner trying to hold in the Incredible Hulk. I've already worked thirty hours in the last two days. I'm feeling it. But, the secret is, it's always stressful - and grace deals ever so severely to my cold heart. Thank you Jesus.

Cover up death up with a white blanket. Don't think about it, let it just slip away for months on end without notice. Maybe sometime I'll know. For now, I keep pressing strong.