Today went by so quick I thought it was Thursday...
I guess this counts as week three in my new position and the dust is starting to settle more. I'm finding my own system of making this shipping process optimally sufficient. My goal, to be honest, is to devise a system that is so fool proof, that anyone would be able to do my job. That way they can move me into another department...hopefully design. But I am content with everything right now, in respects to loving my job and working M-F. Plus, I get to sit in my boss' office with him listening to Brandi Carlile, picking apart the production and songs and making comments about the subtleties that make it beautiful. Then he'll show me pictures from his photography expedition to China, which is pretty incredible. Then my other boss will let me sit in on his own critiquing of the company system, writing code and explaining problems and working out loud to find the solution. It's kind of like listening to a D'Amcio work...
My bosses are wild dudes. But they are super great to work with. I wonder how all this will work out with school this summer...probably online classes if I can.
I really love my job.
This was also an encouraging quote I read today, completely unrelated to this post:
My faith rests not on what I am or shall be, or feel, or know, but in who Christ is, in what He has done, & in what He is now doing for me. -Charles Spurgeon
Monday, February 28, 2011
God is so good. I really appreciated Bill's sermon last weekend on speech. I feel like a staggering area in my life that has needed some attention and work is my mouth.
I say things that are just the dumbest thoughts. I pronounce the idiocy that my sinful heart vomits about. I swear because it's easy. And to think that I am to proclaim the truth of GOD through these same lips.
R.C. Sproul also has a wonderful sermon, which he hits on this particular area, and it's seriously convicting me. He said a simple yet necessary truth, "If we love life and want to see good days, we have to restrain our tongues and our lips", speaking toward living the good life as a Christian.
On the flip side, I do think that God has given me increasing victory in not saying certain things, not laughing at crude jokes, or creating mindless chatter.
There are certain things that I am going to open my mouth to, soon. Very soon. God has given me footing. I have now a traction I've not had before, and things are in place to move forward. Glory to God for whichever of two places I end up, I've been relatively silent for far too long and thirty one months is quite long enough. I've been refined to a place of being ready for more refinement. Which, you should know, brings up the point that even though I've had terrible timing, God has perfect timing, orchestration, design and meaning purposed for our lives to merge and move forward.
I want to do good for the Lord. Seek peace and pursue it. Speak truth, live truth, laugh, love, share, give, adore, and bring glory to God in all things [my] life. It seems as a "cookie-cutter Christian" lofty goal, but I am most sincere. I know things are hard, and have been very hard, but I want to surrender to God all I've got.
I say things that are just the dumbest thoughts. I pronounce the idiocy that my sinful heart vomits about. I swear because it's easy. And to think that I am to proclaim the truth of GOD through these same lips.
R.C. Sproul also has a wonderful sermon, which he hits on this particular area, and it's seriously convicting me. He said a simple yet necessary truth, "If we love life and want to see good days, we have to restrain our tongues and our lips", speaking toward living the good life as a Christian.
On the flip side, I do think that God has given me increasing victory in not saying certain things, not laughing at crude jokes, or creating mindless chatter.
There are certain things that I am going to open my mouth to, soon. Very soon. God has given me footing. I have now a traction I've not had before, and things are in place to move forward. Glory to God for whichever of two places I end up, I've been relatively silent for far too long and thirty one months is quite long enough. I've been refined to a place of being ready for more refinement. Which, you should know, brings up the point that even though I've had terrible timing, God has perfect timing, orchestration, design and meaning purposed for our lives to merge and move forward.
I want to do good for the Lord. Seek peace and pursue it. Speak truth, live truth, laugh, love, share, give, adore, and bring glory to God in all things [my] life. It seems as a "cookie-cutter Christian" lofty goal, but I am most sincere. I know things are hard, and have been very hard, but I want to surrender to God all I've got.
Monday, February 21, 2011
uhhh...
I'm here to dispel any false rumors or accusations I've made at myself in passing. I'm notorious for being rash, or, really rash.
Well, mostly that things aren't as bad as they seem. I think I just gotta keep some regiment of "busy". I've gone on to have worked forty plus hours a week, but I'm needing more things to keep me from going crazy.
I got to work with Tony for a Rock Music promo video, which he asked me to make the music for. That was a good project to have over the weekend, considering I was cooped up at home. It was rad to write a mini-score for it, and he is going to have me start doing more musical implementations for all-things church media. It's good to collaborate with him again. I feel like I always get this specific creative streak when I work with Tony, or do anything for the Church, and that makes me happy. Seeing as how we're in different house churches, I feel like there's this unintentional separation of persons, but it's cool to see how things pick right back up regardless of the time it's been.
Speaking of music, I met with Rob tonight to discuss the course of our hip hop project, and it looks like things will be swinging back into gear, which excites me. It'll be a new approach to music, and a different way to serve. I'm still praying with much deliberation and council as to what to do pertaining to leading worship, and my heart very much leans towards getting back into it in a few months, but I also want to fully surrender my heart to the Lord and let him work out some things in the meantime.
This week was also the start of a new position at work. I got promoted to shipping manager and am in charge of fulfilling all orders and shipping them. That came with a significant raise as well, and I'm humbled by the kind praise I've received from my bosses; Glory to God for all of it. That allowed for me to buy some new gear for music too, which always makes me excited.
I'm eager to meet up as a band again in March to pray and share and hang out. I feel like too often I have my head down, and all I can see is my shadow and shoes, and lose all sorts of direction. I really need to be disciplined on looking to Christ for all my needs and answers - all satisfaction and validation. I freak out over everything and get so so worked up, but then a week passes by and I realize how much I've missed it (by looking at myself). I feel like March will turn up to be a lot of things, and I feel like still in the pre-stages of this February's winter thaw, God is preparing me for much.
I've gotta be diligent in sticking my nose deep in the word...well, more like my heart. I've gotta get back to genuine. I've gotta get back to Jesus first, always. Anyway, I'm thinking that's how to land this time around. The fog is starting to lift, and I'm again starting to live.
Well, mostly that things aren't as bad as they seem. I think I just gotta keep some regiment of "busy". I've gone on to have worked forty plus hours a week, but I'm needing more things to keep me from going crazy.
I got to work with Tony for a Rock Music promo video, which he asked me to make the music for. That was a good project to have over the weekend, considering I was cooped up at home. It was rad to write a mini-score for it, and he is going to have me start doing more musical implementations for all-things church media. It's good to collaborate with him again. I feel like I always get this specific creative streak when I work with Tony, or do anything for the Church, and that makes me happy. Seeing as how we're in different house churches, I feel like there's this unintentional separation of persons, but it's cool to see how things pick right back up regardless of the time it's been.
Speaking of music, I met with Rob tonight to discuss the course of our hip hop project, and it looks like things will be swinging back into gear, which excites me. It'll be a new approach to music, and a different way to serve. I'm still praying with much deliberation and council as to what to do pertaining to leading worship, and my heart very much leans towards getting back into it in a few months, but I also want to fully surrender my heart to the Lord and let him work out some things in the meantime.
This week was also the start of a new position at work. I got promoted to shipping manager and am in charge of fulfilling all orders and shipping them. That came with a significant raise as well, and I'm humbled by the kind praise I've received from my bosses; Glory to God for all of it. That allowed for me to buy some new gear for music too, which always makes me excited.
I'm eager to meet up as a band again in March to pray and share and hang out. I feel like too often I have my head down, and all I can see is my shadow and shoes, and lose all sorts of direction. I really need to be disciplined on looking to Christ for all my needs and answers - all satisfaction and validation. I freak out over everything and get so so worked up, but then a week passes by and I realize how much I've missed it (by looking at myself). I feel like March will turn up to be a lot of things, and I feel like still in the pre-stages of this February's winter thaw, God is preparing me for much.
I've gotta be diligent in sticking my nose deep in the word...well, more like my heart. I've gotta get back to genuine. I've gotta get back to Jesus first, always. Anyway, I'm thinking that's how to land this time around. The fog is starting to lift, and I'm again starting to live.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
I never thought about love, when I thought about home...
Curious how simple and often it is I forget about my family being blood. If I'm to be honest, Mom, Dad, Haylee and Skyler over the past few years have seemed to be people I live with that have nothing in common. (Excluding the year I lived with Zach, of course.)
But spending nearly every night in the confines of my house, I see that I really have missed out on them growing old, and me sharing my life. I hate that disconnect that lapses in my brain, but I do realize they are mine and I am theirs. I guess watching Parenthood in contrast with real life made me think about interacting with my siblings once we're all happily married and independent. It made me think really hard about what is going to happen next.
There is this lingering chasm, though, that seeps into my mind. It's this proverbial "bummer" that hovers over my head. I feel this utterly weird disconnect from everyone and everything. I feel like I'm the only one on an island in the middle of a city. I feel like I've lost my place in my own world, and architecture has lost all foundation. I guess it's a weird spot I'm working through...God's putting me through a season of refinement, to prepare me for even more refinement afterwards.
I DON'T want to miss out on this...
Curious how simple and often it is I forget about my family being blood. If I'm to be honest, Mom, Dad, Haylee and Skyler over the past few years have seemed to be people I live with that have nothing in common. (Excluding the year I lived with Zach, of course.)
But spending nearly every night in the confines of my house, I see that I really have missed out on them growing old, and me sharing my life. I hate that disconnect that lapses in my brain, but I do realize they are mine and I am theirs. I guess watching Parenthood in contrast with real life made me think about interacting with my siblings once we're all happily married and independent. It made me think really hard about what is going to happen next.
There is this lingering chasm, though, that seeps into my mind. It's this proverbial "bummer" that hovers over my head. I feel this utterly weird disconnect from everyone and everything. I feel like I'm the only one on an island in the middle of a city. I feel like I've lost my place in my own world, and architecture has lost all foundation. I guess it's a weird spot I'm working through...God's putting me through a season of refinement, to prepare me for even more refinement afterwards.
I DON'T want to miss out on this...
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
wild day.
long day.
great job.
new changes.
bed time early. night cap with a Cherry 7UP and Smirnoff, per Nick and Stesha telling me about it....and boy is it wonderful. didn't get a brain extension to read tonight...I just don't have it in me. And I'm doing everything I can to get ahead. God is good.
long day.
great job.
new changes.
bed time early. night cap with a Cherry 7UP and Smirnoff, per Nick and Stesha telling me about it....and boy is it wonderful. didn't get a brain extension to read tonight...I just don't have it in me. And I'm doing everything I can to get ahead. God is good.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
valentines gift
it seems I don't have much to give, and with what little I have, where to give it? regardless, here's a little jingle I just wrote tonight. partly because I wanted to test out my new music/recording software (prepping for a bunch of new gear I'm getting) but also because I wanted to write something that sounded beautiful for once.
and I find it nice to just let myself go and play...so here it is, for you, dearest reader.
with love,
Saturday, February 12, 2011
I've just gotta thank God for getting me through, so far. It's been increasingly difficult up to this point, but refining nonetheless. These things have been pent up all week, so I'm gonna write it out.
For every action, there is a reaction. And I've gotten lost in the idea that not taking action will result in no reaction; except that not taking action is in fact, an action. Obedience to God is key, of course, but, I often put myself in the way.
I'm taking steps to change up everything. Hopefully I'll be able to find a room mate by summer time, and hopefully I'll be able to find where God puts my heart. At that point, I'll be back in school, still working full time, saving, giving, serving - life this year is going to be really good. Just waiting for the thaw, I guess. But, it all seems incredibly possible and like a burst of changed life, flood out the caverns of my mind.
A moment that I fondly think back to is flying over the Atlantic. I was half asleep, leaned against the window of the plane. I had my ipod on shuffle and then Politik from Coldplay came on. My heart always warms up when it randomly comes on, by the way. During the song at 2m:59s, from my vantage point, the sun started to rise over the northern sea. Through the ice on the window and the terrible cold from the loneliness of the sea, the music was harmonizing with the sun rise and I started to feel the glow on my face. The sweeping sounds of the crashing chorus towards the end of the song, the radiant beams jumping across the ocean, the life that came to be was all incredibly overwhelming. I remember that it brought tears to my eyes at how I believe God used that to get to my heart. The emotion and power of music that pushes in my veins, the idea that regardless of the icy tundra of my heart never moving, God will still be there to rise and guide and warm the ice away. I think about that and I have hope, because even then when my world was night and day different, God is very much still passionate and personal. He pursues and loves me. That was over two years ago, the beginning and endings of a lot of things in my life, and much has happened since.
Things like that are check points. Weeks like these are check points. I pray that in three months I look back and see how radically different things are, because I took to my knees and stuck to my guns. Gotta follow through, gotta glorify my God.
I really love this verse: Romans 8:18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 19 For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God.
Amen, Lord let me be faithful, waiting eagerly for your completion. Let me be strong. Let me be bold, unashamed of the Gospel. Give me strength....beer me strength. :-)
For every action, there is a reaction. And I've gotten lost in the idea that not taking action will result in no reaction; except that not taking action is in fact, an action. Obedience to God is key, of course, but, I often put myself in the way.
I'm taking steps to change up everything. Hopefully I'll be able to find a room mate by summer time, and hopefully I'll be able to find where God puts my heart. At that point, I'll be back in school, still working full time, saving, giving, serving - life this year is going to be really good. Just waiting for the thaw, I guess. But, it all seems incredibly possible and like a burst of changed life, flood out the caverns of my mind.
A moment that I fondly think back to is flying over the Atlantic. I was half asleep, leaned against the window of the plane. I had my ipod on shuffle and then Politik from Coldplay came on. My heart always warms up when it randomly comes on, by the way. During the song at 2m:59s, from my vantage point, the sun started to rise over the northern sea. Through the ice on the window and the terrible cold from the loneliness of the sea, the music was harmonizing with the sun rise and I started to feel the glow on my face. The sweeping sounds of the crashing chorus towards the end of the song, the radiant beams jumping across the ocean, the life that came to be was all incredibly overwhelming. I remember that it brought tears to my eyes at how I believe God used that to get to my heart. The emotion and power of music that pushes in my veins, the idea that regardless of the icy tundra of my heart never moving, God will still be there to rise and guide and warm the ice away. I think about that and I have hope, because even then when my world was night and day different, God is very much still passionate and personal. He pursues and loves me. That was over two years ago, the beginning and endings of a lot of things in my life, and much has happened since.
Things like that are check points. Weeks like these are check points. I pray that in three months I look back and see how radically different things are, because I took to my knees and stuck to my guns. Gotta follow through, gotta glorify my God.
I really love this verse: Romans 8:18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 19 For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God.
Amen, Lord let me be faithful, waiting eagerly for your completion. Let me be strong. Let me be bold, unashamed of the Gospel. Give me strength....beer me strength. :-)
Sunday, February 6, 2011
discon-ect/tent
Bill had a really good point last night about making it a life long goal to attain wisdom. He also said something I've always kind of thought, but was a good refresher to be shown again: "Are you letting truthful voices influence you, or untruthful?" That is to say, are things of God permeating my heart and my mind, or things of this world indoctrinating me?
So as it stands for now, God has led me to this place of not having excuses anymore. It's been incredibly difficult to go through, and while I'm being refined by God, I can't help but wonder what's next. And at times I've become so disingenuous with my faith that it's easier to keep in the game because I've always been in the game, even though I'm not sincere. I told Josh that I don't want to keep running on a sprained ankle, because I'll hurt myself more in the long run. He agreed and said sometimes stepping back is necessary and will make for a more personal time with God. This means I need to pace myself, in order to have a Gospel Legacy and still be burning hard like the men who lead at the Rock.
To be honest though, it's hard to stay encouraged lately. It's hard to not feel discontent with my choices, but God has led me to this place and I need to obey. Being obedient to my Father is showing my love.
I read this and really resonate with this prayer in Psalm 102:
1 Hear my prayer, O LORD; let my cry come to you! 2 Do not hide your face from me
in the day of my distress! Incline your ear to me; answer me speedily in the day when I call! 3 For my days pass away like smoke, and my bones burn like a furnace. 4 My heart is struck down like grass and has withered; I forget to eat my bread.
My hope and joy rest in the Lord
Soli Deo Gloria
So as it stands for now, God has led me to this place of not having excuses anymore. It's been incredibly difficult to go through, and while I'm being refined by God, I can't help but wonder what's next. And at times I've become so disingenuous with my faith that it's easier to keep in the game because I've always been in the game, even though I'm not sincere. I told Josh that I don't want to keep running on a sprained ankle, because I'll hurt myself more in the long run. He agreed and said sometimes stepping back is necessary and will make for a more personal time with God. This means I need to pace myself, in order to have a Gospel Legacy and still be burning hard like the men who lead at the Rock.
To be honest though, it's hard to stay encouraged lately. It's hard to not feel discontent with my choices, but God has led me to this place and I need to obey. Being obedient to my Father is showing my love.
I read this and really resonate with this prayer in Psalm 102:
1 Hear my prayer, O LORD; let my cry come to you! 2 Do not hide your face from me
in the day of my distress! Incline your ear to me; answer me speedily in the day when I call! 3 For my days pass away like smoke, and my bones burn like a furnace. 4 My heart is struck down like grass and has withered; I forget to eat my bread.
I'll probably stop a bunch more things to quiet my heart. Gonna deactivate facebook, gonna turn off mobile twitter, probably wont post a whole lot on here and just fast from social media connection. It's gonna be hard considering the person I am, but it will be necessary to refine the person that I am.
I want to be so satisfied in Christ, I want to grow to be unwavering. Love this song:
My hope and joy rest in the Lord
Soli Deo Gloria
Saturday, February 5, 2011
early posts aren't against the rules
I really really love this song: Lovedrug came back around.
It's hard to feel like I'm doing something right when I don't feel like anything is happening. I spend 9 hours a day Mon-Fri at work, which I enjoy, and then weekends are just like limbo. I don't know where to pick up where I left off, because I don't know when I left. How do you shake off the dust and pursue the same target? How does certain music thrill my heart? Why does coffee have to go cold?
Learning more about design, writing lots of notes from bible studies, and I'm terribly boring lately.
Recluse on the loose, forgot to run, don't tie my shoes. Getting down, getting ready, running yellow in a painted city. Glass tops, cold basements, this life just came and went...but the King is NOT dead...
Friday, February 4, 2011
Turning in...
I had a curious plan after work.
Go home.
I just didn't feel like going through it tonight...so I grabbed a bottle of Seagrams from the glass house, threw on some good ol' Iron and Wine for the drive home, walked in and kicked off my sneakers, ate some yummy lasagna my mother made and locked myself in my room.
Now I'm just watching Planet Earth. Zach gave it to me for Christmas and I just now got around to watching the first one. What a strange, glorious world it is we live in; even to think that it's fallen and not reflective of its intended design. Such beautiful imagery too. I've never seen these as a whole, only small segments.
They always cut away just as the prey gets bitten, so it is in life with the hard things - just look away, just stay arms length, just gimme gimme gimme a reason to stay!
But I would like David Attenborough to read me the bible or bedtime stories, his voice is like a soft pillow.
Go home.
I just didn't feel like going through it tonight...so I grabbed a bottle of Seagrams from the glass house, threw on some good ol' Iron and Wine for the drive home, walked in and kicked off my sneakers, ate some yummy lasagna my mother made and locked myself in my room.
Now I'm just watching Planet Earth. Zach gave it to me for Christmas and I just now got around to watching the first one. What a strange, glorious world it is we live in; even to think that it's fallen and not reflective of its intended design. Such beautiful imagery too. I've never seen these as a whole, only small segments.
They always cut away just as the prey gets bitten, so it is in life with the hard things - just look away, just stay arms length, just gimme gimme gimme a reason to stay!
But I would like David Attenborough to read me the bible or bedtime stories, his voice is like a soft pillow.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
I want to know what it's called when you hear something someone else is explaining, or talking about, or giving their perspective on, and you totally agree with everything - even thinking the exact same in reasoning or deducing - but you're so terrified to speak up and say "That's exactly right!" What is that called?
I think I just keep going without any slowing down. Usually I'd get sleepy around three in the afternoon, but I've not really had it in me to agree with being tired during the day. My brain says, "Yes, a nap would be nice about now.." but it's not really a big deal I guess. Which also makes me think that my 8 hours don't really feel like 8 hours. I want to film myself sleeping through an entire night, and see what I do, and what things crawl across my face, or how my eyes dance during REM.
Oh and, I'm not getting a whole bunch back from taxes. Enough to pay a good amount off one credit card. Then I'll only have two more small debts left, excluding the monstrous leviathan of school loans. It will feel nice to be in a pseudo-clear state of finances for a while.
Today I did the 50 Chicken McNugget challenge with Kenny...we lost! I got 22 in, he only ate 11, and I felt terrible the rest of the day...still getting over it!
And, The Boxer Rebellion is a really great new favorite band of mine. They have a new record out, but I'm listening to "Union" right now, and loving it all. Makes me want to still write a record to give away. I hope so one day.
I think I just keep going without any slowing down. Usually I'd get sleepy around three in the afternoon, but I've not really had it in me to agree with being tired during the day. My brain says, "Yes, a nap would be nice about now.." but it's not really a big deal I guess. Which also makes me think that my 8 hours don't really feel like 8 hours. I want to film myself sleeping through an entire night, and see what I do, and what things crawl across my face, or how my eyes dance during REM.
Oh and, I'm not getting a whole bunch back from taxes. Enough to pay a good amount off one credit card. Then I'll only have two more small debts left, excluding the monstrous leviathan of school loans. It will feel nice to be in a pseudo-clear state of finances for a while.
Today I did the 50 Chicken McNugget challenge with Kenny...we lost! I got 22 in, he only ate 11, and I felt terrible the rest of the day...still getting over it!
And, The Boxer Rebellion is a really great new favorite band of mine. They have a new record out, but I'm listening to "Union" right now, and loving it all. Makes me want to still write a record to give away. I hope so one day.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
keyframes
one resolute snapshot, for this moment, right now, then the future position.
insert that object in a particular setting.
let the interpolation make the movements to the next scene.
learning about design, more, makes me learn more about life.
I've always known that any truth found in the world, is found in scripture first. If it's a truth apart from scripture, it's rarely correct, but sometimes in principle, it's wisdom. To be honest, which is hard to do only for the fact that I find myself looking too far ahead rather than where I'm at now, I lose track of my day to day.
It's one of those thoughts that come up, and I think, "Will I be doing this stuff in 5 years?" I'm certainly going to plant my flag at my company. I don't know how long of a music break I'll be taking from the church - if God leads me back to it in June, or at all. I'm going back to school in the summer, only a few classes to keep from paying back loans. Planning a really cool gig with Tadd for Spring of 2012, which we're starting on now...but my point I guess, is that those things are huge keyframes in my life. Markers/milestones/checkpoints. And I get so lost, easily, in the inbetweens. I need to make a better habit of enjoying this moment. This small keyframe.
Scattered pebbles make for nuisances, but packed together they are the foundation and framework for concrete. I gotta pay more attention to the smaller things, and be so much more sincere.
Gotta give that area of my heart up too. Constant reformation. And this seems wild, but I feel as though time is on my side.
Now I'm going to write Josh Whitney a letter of appreciation.
"Where you invest your love, you invest your life..."
-Mumford and Sons
insert that object in a particular setting.
let the interpolation make the movements to the next scene.
learning about design, more, makes me learn more about life.
I've always known that any truth found in the world, is found in scripture first. If it's a truth apart from scripture, it's rarely correct, but sometimes in principle, it's wisdom. To be honest, which is hard to do only for the fact that I find myself looking too far ahead rather than where I'm at now, I lose track of my day to day.
It's one of those thoughts that come up, and I think, "Will I be doing this stuff in 5 years?" I'm certainly going to plant my flag at my company. I don't know how long of a music break I'll be taking from the church - if God leads me back to it in June, or at all. I'm going back to school in the summer, only a few classes to keep from paying back loans. Planning a really cool gig with Tadd for Spring of 2012, which we're starting on now...but my point I guess, is that those things are huge keyframes in my life. Markers/milestones/checkpoints. And I get so lost, easily, in the inbetweens. I need to make a better habit of enjoying this moment. This small keyframe.
Scattered pebbles make for nuisances, but packed together they are the foundation and framework for concrete. I gotta pay more attention to the smaller things, and be so much more sincere.
Gotta give that area of my heart up too. Constant reformation. And this seems wild, but I feel as though time is on my side.
Now I'm going to write Josh Whitney a letter of appreciation.
"Where you invest your love, you invest your life..."
-Mumford and Sons
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