So as it stands for now, God has led me to this place of not having excuses anymore. It's been incredibly difficult to go through, and while I'm being refined by God, I can't help but wonder what's next. And at times I've become so disingenuous with my faith that it's easier to keep in the game because I've always been in the game, even though I'm not sincere. I told Josh that I don't want to keep running on a sprained ankle, because I'll hurt myself more in the long run. He agreed and said sometimes stepping back is necessary and will make for a more personal time with God. This means I need to pace myself, in order to have a Gospel Legacy and still be burning hard like the men who lead at the Rock.
To be honest though, it's hard to stay encouraged lately. It's hard to not feel discontent with my choices, but God has led me to this place and I need to obey. Being obedient to my Father is showing my love.
I read this and really resonate with this prayer in Psalm 102:
1 Hear my prayer, O LORD; let my cry come to you! 2 Do not hide your face from me
in the day of my distress! Incline your ear to me; answer me speedily in the day when I call! 3 For my days pass away like smoke, and my bones burn like a furnace. 4 My heart is struck down like grass and has withered; I forget to eat my bread.
I'll probably stop a bunch more things to quiet my heart. Gonna deactivate facebook, gonna turn off mobile twitter, probably wont post a whole lot on here and just fast from social media connection. It's gonna be hard considering the person I am, but it will be necessary to refine the person that I am.
I want to be so satisfied in Christ, I want to grow to be unwavering. Love this song:
My hope and joy rest in the Lord
Soli Deo Gloria
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