plan for the worst, expect the best.

There have been some things in my life, big and small, that take me by storm any way you cut it. College never paid off, because well, I didn't finish, and even if I did, my time would not have gone towards my job. College is getting paid off, and my 12K in student loans are starting to seem like less of a pile of dirty laundry.

Music was so much a huge part of my life for so long, and that's all I wanted to do. Now, it's the last thing on my mind, but the first thing that takes my free time. All I do anymore is record in the studio and write my own songs. It's the strangest thing - when I wanted it, I couldn't have it. Now that it doesn't matter to me, it's all I do.

God is proving his sense of humor. I get that his kindness is all over this, but it's like "Dude, chill out - I've got it."

I never thought I'd see myself on the road to pastoral ministry, yet here I am beckoned by where I feel the Lord leading me. The call is life consuming, but I am willing and ready as I'll ever be to take this path. When I wanted it, it never happened, but now when I gave it up to the Lord, he put me in these places.

I went from a fierce closed grip, where nothing would slip out, to an open hand that all these trinkets in life can be blown away at any given moment by God's mighty wind of change.

Life is, well, good. Full is a better way to describe it. I make time for things that get thrown at me, but otherwise I'm filling it up to stay busy, and focused at the task ahead.

Next year I'll be debt free, I'll buy a house, I'll help plant a church, and I'll keep on giving my life away. The worst thing that could happen to me, even if all my freedoms are stripped and I never see the desires of my heart come to pass, would be a life lived in disobedience to God. That's the worst thing. Even if my life gets taken, or led to utter ruin, and a slow painful death of persecution happens, even then, it's for my good, because the good will be standing before Jesus, face to face. Real FaceTime. Real perfection. Forever.

May I never utter or think the thought, "Could God?"
May I never doubt or question his sovereignty.
May I always live Coram Deo, before his face worshiping him.

It sounds lofty and transcendental, but the truth of the matter is - by him and through him are all things made and held together, and his spirit lives in me, so whatever the commonplace or situation I find myself, I have that very opportunity to remember and act.

I expect my Lord to meet all my needs, for he knows what I need. That's the best part.