Slipped Away

In a moment my life changes for the better.
Again.
God is so kind to me, and I forget it.

I am so SO heavily in it that perspective outwards gets lost between terminals, hotel pillows, graphic design and my heart feeling tired.

Sometimes I'm the odd man out, and I recede to a dark room and listen to this empty northern hemisphere. Cool air conditioned waves cascade my feet, and I dream of times when I'll lay in my own house. I think about my social anxiety and how no one believes me, but I try to stay on the outside. I think about quiet conversations after the laughter and formalities fade...and it's raw.

I have some new pants, and that's a good feeling. I start to measure things by the durations of various articles of clothing and how long they keep colour, or how small they fit (or don't fit), and I tie them to moments like this week.

His will be done, and I keep saying that and reminding myself. The disciples were told to pray that way. Jesus has an order for talking to God, and I want to keep that.

I don't think I'm settling down - I just think this is a big dramatic step in my life. You only get to experience these things fresh and once. That's why it's so hard to want to latch on to most things anymore. I'm seeing what's truly most important, and they are coming into view. Even when it feels like I'm away from so much.

But, I'm not gone.