Valley of the Shadow of Death

I think that God in this kindness has surely withheld from me the entirety of my sin. And yet at the same time, the seeds of all deplorable and unsightly things can be found within my own heart. And I feel as though the more I pursue Christ, the more I see the vastness of my sin, and my hatred for it, and my love for Christ and holiness, to which can only serve to the chief end of sinning less and wanting to be around sin less, will ultimately culminate to the glory of God.

I'm growing tired of this easy-believism that so readily surrounds my life, and I want to abandon the nonsense thinking that's poured into my mind. There's not always a practical application, or "council" that will fit the bill for what ails me. And in all of my sin, disobedience, and heartache, I'm learning that I need to cast it all upon Christ, all the more. If indeed nothing can separate me from his love, then it ought not be myself that withholds to approach him with a repentant heart, total surrender, and an entire reliance on him. I need to. I must. I can't keep trying to fix cancer with band aids - and band aids are plentiful caps of so called solutions that get tossed to and fro.

The problem with holiness is that it reveals a plethora of wrought while purifying the muck and mire from a plastered heart. Sometimes holiness hurts, and valleys of darkness are self inflicted. Sometimes they are imposed and feel cold, but as the psalmist so eloquently writes "I shall fear no evil for thou art with me."

That is a familiar and readily called verse of sacred scripture, but I find that it calls to my heart a new stance and position to truly trust God more than ever before. I find that sometimes the Holy Spirit lets me on my own way into brokenness so that I trust in Jesus greater. A poem to reflect my heart:

Oh to my great Shepherd
How I crave your loving voice
In my heart's darkest moments
And In my soul's rejoice
Your ways are just and perfect still
Such clarity through all the noise
You ever guide my heart to sing
Make mine your sovereign choice

When my sin so vast and great
Reveals and gives it's way
My heart of stone is quick to hide
And doubt what's true in day
But when your word reveals to me
Great truth to think and pray
You ever guide my heart to sing
Make mine your sovereign way

Incline my heart unto your will
Conform me to your Son
Make holiness a mark of mine
Make your will be done

Glorify your son the Christ
In my life and all around
Make truth reach beyond compare
Make your word abound

Holiness I long for mine
Holiness as your call
Holy Holy are you Lord
Make you mine all in all