humans are just the worst kinds of people

I under appreciate most things.  This conclusion was made evident while I was going through old photos. Looking through photolab picture packs, various flickr accounts, friend's albums on facebook or even my journal. Needless to say, a lot has happened. A lot of good, and so much growth. That usually will get overshadowed in my mind by the current happenstance of "bad" in my life.

Why is that? I suppose maybe how I thought real life would be is dramatically different than it is now.  I viewed myself as having more than half of college finished, or on the road touring different GCM churches, playing music as a full time gig.  Neither has happened, so my projected aspirations that are innately insubstantial, weigh that over my mind. But then I realize they have no weight, so quite literally, nothing is holding me down.

The thing is, I too often look for things that should be, that aren't, instead of what they are. And I feel like the world carries this entitlement prospect around with them. Letting it loom over their heads, affecting even the smallest aspects of life. And the truth of it is, we are just the worst kinds of people. Selfish, even in one's own directive of selfishness. Being selfish is wrong altogether, but my special brand of selfish might look different than someone else's selfishness. So people have a hard time realizing that in themselves.

Depravity is inevitable. Left to our own devices, we would tear each other apart. The notion that there is no absolute truth and that realities are relative, is in fact a statement made from a stance of the truth of reality. So wisdom in man's eyes is debunked by their said wisdom. Philosophy, apart from God's truth, is just a fancy term for long winded idiocracy that carries a larger vernacular than most. But God in his providence has allowed his word to be preserved and upheld, even through man's utter destructive tendencies and selfishness. So there is a standard. A right and wrong.

This means that man's ignorance is fueled by the wonder of the unknown, but fear of it's consequences. Each man in his heart knows there is a God. But it's quite inconvenient for them to admit it, for it doesn't line up with their immorality and perception of freedom without a King. This idea is a supreme fallacy. One isn't free at all, but instead enslaved by the device that tangles around their hearts so deeply. It is a deadly poison creating this illusion of being free, but releasing the effects of the grave. How then is it still viewed as being free? One couldn't break from it even if desperately fought against.

What is freedom then? Where does it start, and where does it end? And when it ends, what happens?
Questions of rhetoric I beg you to ask. There needs to be a hero. There needs to be a way out.
_______________________________________

This is why we need saving.
This is why Jesus came, died, and resurrected.
This is why he commanded that he is the only
WAY
TRUTH
LIFE
and that NO ONE
comes to the Father,
except THROUGH Him.

And because of that grace freely given, I realize that there's more work for me to do. And I need to live for what things are, and stop pretending things are how they aren't. There's too many church plants, too many songs to write, too much time to not waste on fleeting day dreams. I don't want to be struck with sorrow in two years, wondering why I'm stuck in a vicious cycle of revenge. Jesus is King, I want to serve the best I can. All to reach the worst kinds of people, like myself.