Thursday, January 13, 2011

frosted glass

This isn't about fancy window decor, this isn't about a beer mug, this isn't even about foggy glasses.

This is about this morning, and how very real and physical God revealed himself to me. I'll explain it to you like this: What happened. Then, What God showed me. Then how the two are in conjunction.

1. I drive to work at 8:15 in the morning, and when I start my car, I usually sit there for a minute or so to let the engine warm up. On this particular morning, it was a dense cold in the air, so my windshield was icy and my warm, freshly brushed, minty breath fogs up the inside. (I have to wipe it away with my sleeve so I can see when I'm driving). I've made it a point to pray the entire duration of my drive to work the last 3 weeks (not including being gone for Faithwalkers). So, praying out loud, the glass gets frosted from the inside. Usually the heater starts blasting hot air once I hit the interstate. I'm driving from about 17th E all the way down 11400 S until I jump on the interstate, so there's roughly about 8 minutes on that road - including red lights and traffic. Praying until my heater warms up involves a lot of window wiping. :-)

2. God put on my heart this morning that I need to pray even when I don't feel like it. That could be when I feel good about everything and not feel the desperation to pray, or it could be when my heart is crusty and I'm being a turd about everything. Either way, the importance and significance regarding my relationship in response to my Creator, King and first Love rests on how serious I am about responding to cultivate a growing and flourishing relationship. This morning I was bummin' out. This morning my heavy heart continued. This morning I sought validation in thinking up fickle ways to glorify myself. Then, uber-conviction. I started up the car and IMMEDIATELY was prompted to start praying. It started, "Lord, I feel like crap, I'm so tired from not sleeping properly, I don't know if You're speaking to me of if my heart is leading me somewhere, I feel like I don't want to pray and I need You to guide me today...." Then at that point, my prayer was slowly picking up. Then the next thing I knew I was praying about everything; Josh being full time pastor, leaders in my life, relationship with Bryan, Paul and Tadd, my band, heavy stuff on my heart that needs resolving soon, work, co-workers, brothers, church growth, people being saved...on and on, and I felt so good about everything, and I realized I was on I-15 almost to 90th south. Then my heart sank (in a good way) when God showed me this:

3. JUST like my car has to be primed and warmed up after a certain time, in order for me to clearly see through the frosted glass to where I'm going, so my heart has to be primed and warmed up to clearly see where God is taking me. Oh my. How beautiful it was for God to speak to me right then. I was so blessed and encouraged and amazed and overwhelmed by how personal Jesus really is, I welled up with tears and cried. It was an incredibly fervent time of prayer, and I feel a lot of things on my heart were honestly expressed to God. He knows my heart, but he loves to hear me tell him anyway. Just like a dad knows his son loves him, so he loves even more to hear his son admit it. Even when my heart is selfish and I don't want to pray, I need to prime it and tell God I'm being sour. Even when I feel self confident and independent, I need God and his STRENGTH because everything I have comes from Him anyway.

So, I am posting this because I hope it's some brand of encouragement for whoever reads this. It really changed my heart today. I feel like God is doing a mighty thing through His people, and the Church is experiencing some reinforcement by way of stepping up the seriousness of our resolve for Christ. I feel it so much in my life, and I see how God has changed my life by way of sanctification and refinement, among many many others. 2011 is going to be huge, and I'm so so happy in my heart to see what the Lord will accomplish. I want to be sharp and ready for use, wherever He calls me. I hope you do too. God is gracious and kind. Soli Deo Gloria.

2 comments:

Bree said...

Hayden, thank you for sharing this. I'm going tghrough a praying drought, and while I don't have a drive time to work where I can let it all out, I do want to find a slice of time to do just that.
Thank you again for laying it out there.

Megan Boucher said...

this is awesome hayden. thanks for sharing. i love to see God soften hearts, because i've experienced it o many times. :) keep on pressing, brother!