fine, refine...

So it goes like this.

I'm thinking I have a ton of stuff figured out. But it's becoming more and more evident to me that process and order are all part of God's plan and purpose in my life. And I don't really have it yet. In fact, I wasn't even close until this last week came around. Most of it while I was painting.

What I've come to find out is painting proved to be more than a source of income at this juncture in life.  It's been time alone, reflecting, praying, thinking things through -farily diligently too, I must add- and a whole lot of God showing me things.

For instance:
When I'm painting a room, there's a specific order in completing the task that has to be done. If I diverge from certain steps, it just becomes more of a mess, more work and more clean up.  If I don't clean off a surface, dust and debris will get in the paint, and ruin the whole tray.  If I don't patch a hole up proper, it wont set and the paint wont adhere to the surface. Then I have to go back, re-sand it, re-patch and texturize, wait for it to dry and re-paint.  It becomes this awful mess that gets so bad, it wrecks every detail of the process causing more unnecessary work and cussing out inanimate objects. This happened to me a handful of times, and it was frustrating to say the least. But I soon realized the life application God was showing me. Something simple as sandpaper, mud and paint revealed that doing things in God's time, properly and with care, will let me avoid a heaping mess of trouble and wasted efforts that otherwise would have been spent furthering better plans in building my future.

I think it's safe to say that reformation in one's life is a continual process that is necessary for all, but received only by the willing. It isn't like one gets to a point that becomes a safeguard to chill out and call it good. I know that I need God to continue to refine me. But I need to ask for it, and seek it, and desire holy living. Cutting out all the expendables, and unnecessary garbage.

You see, being refined by God has two effects, that I think have three applications. Seeking God for his refinement opens yourself to His word, knowing it, living it, receiving it. It makes for prayer to have priority over most things. It causes one to desire fellowship with others who are seeking God as well. And when one seeks God for that, refinement comes inward; sorting out impurities and enabling good character building qualities to enter.

Secondly, by doing this, we are breaking down the callousness and de-sensitivity, burning up the flaws and imperfections in our wicked hearts, and we make ourselves open to God's call for sanctification. Then one's susceptibility to be diverted back into the world is overpowered by one's desire to honor, love and serve God. So it inevitibly refines one's heart to put forth and outward expression of these things.  (i.e. the fruits of the Spirit: see Galatians 5 ) This is an expressive action that is beneficial to all, and glorifying to God. The ultimate goal of salvation by grace through faith is to become a more loving person. This achieves the ultimate goal of the gospel, to make disciples of all nations. Those two combined accomplishes the ultimate goal of giving God all the glory.

The three applications that I've drawn from this are humility, patience and endurance.

I realize that anything worth having won't come easy. Especially if I'm not disciplined enough.  God won't give me anything I can't handle, and in most cases others view that towards trials and hardships.  I am viewing this in light of good things! God won't give me a great job right now, because I can't handle it right now-why? I'm not disciplined enough.  God won't give me a girlfriend to pursue, love and grow with right now-why? I'm not disciplined enough.  God won't let me take the easy road out and just play music for a living-because then I don't learn anything and use it as a scapegoat. In this, or any case, I need to be humble to what God has planned, and wait for it with patience and endurance.

This isn't to say that these things aren't in store for my future. I'm not denying that God has the greatest job fit for me, that will honor him, build his kingdom and make for me to be a homeowner and provider of my future family. I know God has an absolutely godly, amazingly stunning, intelligent and beautiful wife, who he made to be perfect for me, and I for her, in my future. And with music, if I only get to write worship songs for my local church the rest of my life, I'd consider it more of an honor than having a double platinum album from a disconnected band that's bigger than Coldplay or U2, all because one solitary soul was brought from death to life, by the power of God, from hearing a simple song.

God is more concerned with the quality and strength of my characteristic integrity and self discipline right now. And right now, that has priority for concern, rather than what I have or don't have. I'm convinced that once it's more effective for me to build God's kingdom with a legit job or in relationship with an incredible woman, it'll happen.

What does all this mean?

Getting ready for refinement, reproof, and continual accountability, to willingly ask God for it. To get all the crap out of my heart. To not desire the things of this world. Moving all the bulked up garbage I just let sit.  Come to think of it, I don't even know the mentality behind having a "junk drawer". It's just an excuse to not be disciplined or organized. Sure, a rubber band or half pad of paper might come in handy at some point, but there are more benefits to not having it than there are to keep having it.  And I think that mentality plagues over into one's life.  I know it does for me. And I think that I need to not be a white washed tomb, or cover up the cracks with wax like Bill was talking about in his sermon last Saturday (06/06/10).

In summation, I need more conviction on being self controlled. I need God to lead me into the way of everlasting. I need all the help I can get. I need to pay attention too. Lazarus didn't raise himself from the dead, in fact there was no way for him to respond to Jesus calling him back to life. He simply got back up when Jesus called him. I need Jesus to refine me continually, and I need to be willing to ask for it now that I'm aware of it and the implications it holds. Then I think in light of all this, how good is my God to even make this available to me? That he would show me the error of my sinful ways, and give me loving correction that he desires for me to have a full life. This might be something worth considering for yourself too, whomever has read this. God is good. I'm greatly thankful for this insight God has shown me, and I'm keen to see what the next few months will hold.

In Christ,
Hayden